Page 4 of Bossy Bride: Emma and Jesse

Jack and Silvia are Emma’s parents. Super cool people. Like… I cannot even tell you how much I love Jack and Silvia. They own a shitload of water adventure shops down on Key West and a whole block of bungalows two blocks from the ocean. So the whole Dumas clan lives on this same street and then they rent the others out to tourists when Emma and her Bright Berry Beach peeps aren’t down for a visit.

Johnny holds up his hands like he’s surrendering. “I’m just saying. Take a peek out the window at three AM and tell me what you see.”

“OK, dude.” I clap him on the back. He’s not all there so sometimes it’s just better to just agree with him and move on to another topic. “So what are you and Megan doing for the holidays? Got any big plans?”

I should know this. He is my brother. But I haven’t spent a holiday with Johnny since… well, a long time ago. Probably over fifteen years ago. Long before our uncle and father died.

Johnny shoots me a confused look. “Holiday?”

“You know… Christmas?”

“Oh. I don’t do church.”

I laugh. I can’t help it. “OK. Yeah. But you know, Christmas is about trees and presents.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Dude, it so is. That’s why we’re here. At this party. There’s a giant twenty-foot-tall tree in front of the window and a present machine near the exit.”

Ah. That reminds me. The presents. Because Santa Mila’s bag is only filled with favors. They have an honest-to-God present machine here. Everyone got a lanyard as they came into the party. It’s got your name on it and everything. And you know what’s cool about these lanyards? The name is on both sides. I like that. I totally hate when people are wearing lanyards and you’re desperate to know their name, but it’s flipped backwards, so you either have to pretend you know their name—this is often my problem. I can’t remember anyone’s name—or tell them to flip their fucking badge around so you can read it.

Anyway. When you leave the party, you scan your lanyard under the Santa Laser Machine (this is a trademarked brand invented by Alien Elf herself) and boom. You get an email that reveals your Bright Berry Beach present.

I’m so fucking excited about this, I can’t even explain it. I don’t need a damn thing in this life. Not one damn thing. I’m set now that Emma is in my life and my brothers and I are on speaking terms again. So I’m not even sure why I’m so excited about the Santa Machine. Might have something to do with Emma bragging about the present she got me. Even though I don’t need it, everyone loves presents, right?

So I’ve been trying to figure out what she could possibly feel so confident about. A yacht? A Lamborghini? A house? What? What is she getting me?

But then… all my guesses are stupid. I don’t even like Lamborghinis and Bright Berry Beach isn’t buying me a yacht or a house.

But it could happen. Santa Mila is passing out mini-Dom Pérignon bottles like they’re candy-canes.

“Christmas is about church.” Johnny is adamant.

“Johnny. Brother. I hope to hell you got Megan a present for Christmas because if you didn’t… you’re just an asshole.”

Johnny’s gaze slams on over to Megan—who is helping herself to the dessert table like she’s never seen red and green macarons before—and he makes a face. “Did you get Emma a present?”

“Of course! It’s the best present ever, too. The. Best.”

“What is it?”

“I’m not telling you.”

“Jesse. I’m not gonna blow your surprise. I’m the secret-keeper, remember? Just tell me what it is.”

“No. You’ll steal it. Get your own brilliant Christmas present idea.”

“You’re a dick.”

“You’re a freak.”

“You’re a tabloid has-been.”

“You’re a tatted-up nobody with a dog named Jasper.” Then I point at him. “See, now that would’ve been a great present. A puppy. Everyone wants a puppy for Christmas.”

“Megan got me Jasper. And his name is cool.”

“Well, there you go.”