Page 38 of Bossy Bride: Emma and Jesse

But Emma says, “Oh, yeah, she does. Got him good too. She says jump, he jumps.”

“I do not. Do you have like…a menu? Or something that spells it all out for us? We’re not sure what we want, but we’ll know it when we see it.”

Cowboy clicks his tongue at us like we’re ponies and points his finger like a gun. “I got you.” Then he whips a brochure out of his back pocket and slaps it on the table. “Take a good long gander at this. I’m gonna go rustle me up a breakfast burrito at the counter. BRB.”

He gets up and heads towards the counter as Emma and I look dubiously at the crinkled, wrinkled, is-that-a-coffee-stain?, used-up, tri-fold brochure he left behind.

We side-eye each other and laugh.

“Still game?” Emma asks.

“Hey, I’m in. Let’s do it.”

I pick up the brochure by the corner edge and flip it open.

“‘Welcome to Fingers’ Fantasy Weddings. Where we keep you on your toes,’” Emma reads.

I just shake my head. Because I can’t.

“Oh, look. Here’s a picture of the underwater wedding at the aquarium. That really does sound like us, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. It does. But this is our one wedding. Do we really want to be us?”

“Oh, fuck. I don’t think we can, anyway. You need to show proof of SCUBA certification.” She eyeballs me. “We can’t exactly call home and have my dad email them over, right?”

“Probably not. But look, here’s a rollercoaster wedding. That sounds fun.”

“Skydiving is kinda cool.”

“And terrifying,” I add. I mean… I’m not gonna come right out and say it, but falling out of a plane doesn’t sound like the best way to start your new married life, if you ask me.

“I don’t know. Maybe a little adrenaline rush is what we need?”

“How about this one?” I laugh. “Shotgun wedding at Red Mesa Resort! Look, they’re all dressed up like gangsters.”

“Maybe that’s where Miles moonlights on his days off?” Emma quips.

“OK, OK. He was lying. Fine.”

I’m so gonna kill Miles the next time I see him. I really thought we were friends.

Cowboy Clarence slips back into the booth chewing on a breakfast burrito. “So. Make up your minds?” He winks at my almost-bride.

“Not yet,” I say.

“We like a bunch of them. We’re just not sure which one.”

“We only get to do this once,” I add. “It’s kind of a big deal.”

Clarence puts up both hands. “I get it. Totally get it. And it’s your lucky day. Because here at Finger’s Fantasy Weddings we get you.” He points to us like this is all part of the act. “That’s why we offer the Ultimate Fingers’ Fantasy Wedding Buffet.”

“Buffet?” Emma and I both say.

“It’s like a… pick three. Except you don’t get to pick ’em. We do. And we rustle you around town and by the end of the day you’ve had yourself three incredible, one-of-a-kind Fingers’ Fantasy Weddings.”

Emma shoots him with her finger. “That keep you on your toes!”

“You betcha!” He laughs, clearly enamored with my girl.