Page 94 of Johnny

succession. They would get Joey, then Jesse, then Zach.

I’m stuck. And that’s why I’m here.

I have this urge to tell her all this. To make her understand me, and know me, and believe me. But

then we’re here at the restaurant and I let that stupid urge fade into the background where it belongs.

I tell the maître d’, “Reservation for Logan, cabaña three.” And she smiles and checks our name off

her list. A neat little record of a table claimed. A task completed. A box ticked.

Then we’re led into the dining room and seated at a half-circle booth in the back. There’s live

music tonight. Some young Caribbean girl all dressed up like an adult crooning softly into her microphone. She has the jewelry, the makeup, the dress, the hair, the pipes… but she can’t be any

more than fifteen. I’d bet my life that this little singer can’t even legally drive.

I order a bottle of good wine and it comes to our table just as the girl on stage slips into a cover of

Diamonds, by Rihanna. Her voice is perfect. Her act is perfect. And I can’t help but wonder, “How?”

“What?” Megan asks.

“How does a girl that young get here?”

Megan, confused, looks at the girl on stage.

“She can’t be a day older than fifteen. If that. So how did she get on this stage?”

“Her father runs the restaurant?” Megan offers.

“Maybe,” I say. “That could be it. Or maybe she just has a plan. You ever meet one of those

people?”

Megan is still very confused. “Who? What people?”

“Like her, you know? She’s got it all together. She’s got a spreadsheet somewhere. On her phone,

her iPad, wherever. And to get here, at that age, she has to have been ticking off boxes for a long time

now. How do people do that? I’m thirty-six years old and I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what

I’m doing. I don’t have a fucking spreadsheet, you know?”

“Well, to be fair,” Megan says, raising one eyebrow at me. “She’s a child singing songs. You’re a

Way banker. You can’t really compare the two.”

“Can’t I? I mean, these people like her? They get their purpose in life so early. But then there are

people like me who never quite understand where it is they’re going and it takes them fifty years to

get to that same moment. That same level of surety. She is the next Rihanna.”

“Come on.” Megan laughs. “She’s good, but—”

“It’s not about good, Megan. It’s about belief. It’s about knowing your path. It’s about ticking off