Page 23 of Johnny

close to us.

Which brings me to six. You do not want to be close to people. Any people. There’s no point. You

do not want to love anyone, or cherish anyone, or have any sort of feelings for them.

Because love is just a weapon.

Just one more thing in their arsenal they can use to control you.

The people you care about are just one more thing they can take away on a whim.

Like my mother, for instance. That’s what happened to her. My father loved her and she was his

downfall. They used her to keep him in line and that’s why he went insane at the end.

And that’s why I don’t want anyone to know how much I love my brothers and cousin. I don’t want

any girl I fuck to get on their radar. I don’t want my friends—if I had any left—to get caught up in

some bloody leverage scheme should I step out of line.

This is why I don’t bother with Jesse or Joey. This is why I want them to be seen as just two more

spoiled, rich assholes.

I don’t know what my father did to protect them while he was alive. Nothing, maybe. It’s possible

he didn’t care. Not something a son likes to admit about his father, but there it is. That’s why I messed

up Jesse’s future. He’s smart and arrogant. Way too smart and arrogant to keep his mouth shut, that’s

for sure. That kid was high as a motherfucker all through high school and he still graduated with a

three point seven GPA.

I know he thinks our father did that. I’ve heard him say it on several occasions. But please. Our

dad gave no fucks about Jesse’s grades. He donated money every year to pay the bribe to get us boys

in that classy prep school. Sure. He did that. But we were on our own.

How do I know this? Well, I sure as fuck didn’t graduate high school with a three point seven GPA.

Let’s just get that out of the way right now. It was more like a two point five if I’m recalling correctly.

And I’m fairly certain that the only reason it was that high was because that school wanted me the

fuck out of there.

The night of Jesse’s graduation we had a party in the Bossy. That was probably the last party we

ever had up there where people outside the family were invited in. And all I heard from my father’s

friends was how smart Jesse was. How he was going places. How he had a bright future ahead of

him.

Again, this was not typical. No one said that shit about me. And Jesse can think that it was just a