Page 180 of Johnny

I have always wanted that fantasy.

But it took one woman and two days to make me remember.

A splash above my head jerks me back to reality and then Megan is floating down to me, her long,

blonde hair waving around her face like she is, indeed, a creature of the sea.

I smile at her in the blue light.

And then she kisses me and it’s over.

I am fallen.

There is no hope of rescue.

Not even the angel of death could save me now.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO - MEGAN

We’re still kissing when we surface. I don’t even know where the dolphins are. I don’t even know

if they’re still here. Johnny’s arms are wrapped around my middle and the water around us flickers

blue and black under a moonlight carpet—a magic carpet that can take us away. Give us another life,

with another chance, and a new ending.

One that’s happy. One we choose.

“I’m afraid,” he says, wiping saltwater from his eyes. “I’m afraid, Megan. I’m gonna hurt you, or

they will hurt you, and then I’ll get hurt too. And you know what? Here’s the thing, OK? I’m not sure I

deserve love. I’m not sure I deserve happiness. I’ve ruined people. And if I fall for you, I’m gonna

ruin you too. And I don’t wanna do that. I really don’t. I don’t want to fuck up your life, or change

your mind about things, or push you into a corner so there’s no way out but me. And the scariest part

is that… I bought into it, ya know? No one held me down and poured this life down my throat. No one

beat the shit out of me because I tried to change things the way they did my dad and uncle. No one

forced me to do any of it. I just went along. And if you don’t fight back, if you don’t tell me to get the

fuck out of your life and never come back, if you don’t throw me away and kick me to the curb, you’ll

be going along too. And I can’t live with that. I can live with, and have lived with, a lot of things,

Megan. I have made a lot of mistakes. I will die and when I do, there will be a special place in hell

waiting for me. I will live with that. But what I will not live with is taking you down with me.”

My heart hurts. Not just for him, but for me too. Because I’m afraid as well.

But he’s wrong.

I’m afraid I’m part of something too big to fail. I’m afraid that it’s too late. That I’ve already done