Page 142 of Joey

I just stand there. My whole world just tipped upside down and I can’t yet make sense of it. So I just stand there and stare at Johnny Boston with my mouth open and my mind blown.

He doesn’t look anything like Joey. His hair is still light. Not fair, like it was in that picture Huck showed me. But you know he’s blond. He’s got a look to him as well. Something mean inside that Joey doesn’t possess. And he’s built more like Huck. Big. He’s big. Which adds to the uneasiness people feel when he’s in the room.

“We are who we are,” he says again.

And then he looks at me.

And all of a sudden I see someone else in there. I see the boy he was. I see the fear. I see the anger. I see the hate.

But in this moment I see something else too.

I see Joey.

Not on the outside, but on the inside.

And isn’t that what everyone says? It’s what’s on the inside that counts?

“OK,” I say.

“OK? Just like that?”

“No,” I say, putting up a hand. “I’m just agreeing with you. We’re stuck and we can’t get out. But we can’t give up, either. We could fight this, Johnny.”

“We?” He laughs. “I am fighting this. I’m doing my best. But you? My brothers? No. Fuck that. I sacrificed a lot to save your asses. It’s not going to be for nothing.”

“Look,” I say. “I’m in now. You can’t back me out of this. You can’t just tell me to run away and hide. I know too much. We all know too much. Running away guarantees that we all get killed. Sooner or later, someone will come after us. They’ll find us, and do horrible things to us, and then what? Talk about ‘all for nothing’? So I’m in. Right along with you. And obviously Emma is in too. She knows. I took one look at her and saw it. And Jesse is in. And Joey. And Huck and Wald too. And do you know what that makes us?”

“I’m dying to find out.”

“A team,” I say.

He stares at me for a moment. “You forgot Zach.”

The baby in the picture. “OK,” I say. “Zach too.”

“It’s not enough.”

“But it’s a start. I think we have Mila. And the other two. Hannah and Natalie. Because they know things. So… we have them.”

“It’s still not enough.”

“Right. But… we could have Michael Connor.”

Johnny laughs.

“They all want out, right?”

“They’re not on my side.”

“They could be,” I say. “So we could get Michael and the Kanes. And all those other people at that meeting, or whatever it was. They all want out.”

“You’re picking sides?” He laughs.

“Of course. Isn’t that what you do when you’re in a war?”

“You don’t have any idea what you’re talking about, Brooke.”

“You’re wrong,” I say. “I have an idea. I might not know what you’re talking about but I spent the last thirteen years lying to myself about who and what I am, and you know what? I’m done with it. This is me. OK? I… I survive. I am a goddamned survivor. If the apocalypse happened right here, right now—today—you know what I would tell you?”