Page 10 of Jesse

“Break a leg,” Zach says, clapping me too hard on the back. “See ya on the other side.”

“Thanks,” I mutter. Then I straighten my cufflinks and get in line behind all the other eligible bachelors to wait my turn.

Backstage isn’t any better than out front. There are twenty guys here. I know every single one of them. In fact, I think I know everyone out in the crowd tonight—except for Ms. Dumas and her circle of cosmetic friends—and even aside from the fact that none of them wanted to chat me up before the big show, that’s not a good thing because I don’t want to go on a date with any of them.

OK, maybe Ms. Dumas. I could actually see myself having a pleasant, quiet dinner with her.

Shit. I forgot to ask Zach what my date is. So I don’t even know what I’ll have to do once this auction is over.

Do I take them home? Out to dinner? Do we make plans another night? How’s this work?

“Hey.” I elbow Old Bat’s great-great grandson, Chad. “What’s the deal?”

“What?” Chad asks. He is obviously way younger than me. I was serious when I said he probably wasn’t old enough to drink. So we don’t know each other. We just run in the same social circle. Or would, if anyone invited me in to said social circle.

“You know. Like… what do we do afterward?”

“You planned a date, right?”

“No.”

“Yeah, you did,” Chad says.

“No, I really didn’t.”

“It was on the application, dumbass.”

“Oh. My brother filled that out.”

Chad shrugs, then walks off, calling over his shoulder, “Well, I guess you should ask him then. I gotta go. I’m up first.”

Thanks for the fucking help, Chad.

But I decide maybe he’s right. Joey has done this auction every year for a while. So I get out my phone and call him up. It’s eleven AM there, so he picks up first ring. “Baby bro,” he says a little too cheerfully. “Waaaassup?”

“I’m at the auction.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. How’s it going? You going on first?”

“No,” I say. “Last, actually.”

“Last? I never go on last.”

“I’m not you.”

“Truth, bro. Truth. So for real, what’s going on?”

“How’s this date shit work? Like… do I take the winner out tonight?”

“Whole weekend man. I planned a good one. Maybe that’s why you’re last. People are gonna eat this one up!”

“Weekend?” I say. “No. I’m not doing a weekend with a stranger.”

“Yeah. Up in the country house by the lake.”

“What?”

“It’s gonna be great. Last year Sally Overheim bought me and it was amaaaaa-zing. That’s why I put the whole weekend up this time. I was really looking forward to spending the weekend with Sally. If you get her—well, I’m gonna be pissed. But if you do get her, for reals, remind her of what a great time we had last year. She’ll treat you right.”