Page 53 of The Square

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO - CHRISTINE

“Is this really happening?”Alec asks, looking up at us from where he’s knelt on the floor. It’s very strange. Very, very strange. I’ve known him for almost half my life, and I’ve known him in almost all the ways it’s possible to know someone. But I’ve never known him like this.

Confused.

Muddled.

Vulnerable.

He doesn’t look scared. That’s a look that I’ve never seen from him, and doubt I ever will, but what he’s projecting right now is the closest I imagine it’ll get.

“Yes, Alec, this is real. And it’s time to go,” Eliza says.

“What…? How…?”

“Ah, yes, you’re as charming a conversationalist as I recall. But all that for another time. I don’t know how long Brenden, Charlie, and Danny can keep your friends occupied without getting someone killed.”

“Brenden and Charlie are here too?” Alec asks, even more confused-sounding than before.

“Yeah, mate. They’s here. That’s what all the going-on outside is about. Shall we?” Russell extends his hand to help Alec up. Alec stares at it for the briefest of moments before reaching out and being assisted to his feet. He winces as he stands. And something inside me winces as well.

He’s hurt. He doesn’t look like he’s been beaten or tortured or anything. In fact, he looks pretty well taken care of. Apart from the fact that he’s unshaven, which I’ve never seen on him before and never really even imagined as a possibility. It’s odd. Being scruffy is such a Danny thing.

But otherwise, he looks exactly like himself. Apart from the scruff, the bafflement on his face, and the fact that he’s in pain. So. Actually. No. Nothing like himself.

And I get sad. Because I have to conclude that the pain is a remnant of what happened with us at the waterfall. So I did this to him. I put him in this place. In this state. In this position. And I still don’t even have a full understanding of exactly why. I don’t have a complete picture of everything. There are still holes in my memory. Ones I really can’t afford to have.

My long-term memory seems okay. All the things that led up to that night on the roof are pretty clear.

I think.

But I don’t know exactly what happened that night. And I don’t know if the things I do remember are accurate. Or true. Or how I should feel right now. I thought I had worked out all my emotions and gotten clear that I just wanted that day back. That perfect day that Danny, Alec and I spent together. That brief moment we had where it looked like everything was going to be OK and we were finally all three going to just… be together. The triangle.

But seeing him now, a flood of feelings wash over me. Especially when I see Eliza, who is two steps closer to him than I am, go to help Russell pull him to his feet. She takes him by the other arm and puts her hand on his side, saying, “You all right there, luv? Can you walk? Or do I have to carry you?”

She says it with a smile and an almost wink. He smiles back, as if by impulse. Like an old record that has been dusted off and is being played once more.

And I have to remind myself again. I did this.

“I’m fine,” he says. And then, quicker than a flash of lightning, he remembers himself and who he is. He steps back, free from the both of them, lifts his hands in a broad gesture and says, “I imagine that now that we’re all jolly and reunited, someone has a plan to get us the fok out of here.”

“There he is,” Eliza says with what can only be called shit-eating sarcasm.

“Well,” says Russell, “the plan is fuckin’ shit, mate. But so far, it’s maybe kind of working. Christine… what’s happening out front?”

I’m still just staring at Alec when he says it, so it takes me an extra beat before I answer, “Hmm?”

“You’ve still got Danny on the mobile, yeah? What’s happening out there? Sounds like it’s quieted down.”

He’s right. It has quieted. I hadn’t even noticed. I pull out the phone with the line I have open to Danny and whisper again, “Danny… what’s happening? What was all the gunfire?”

After a moment, he whispers—so quiet I can barely hear him—“Yeah, one of the guys was shooting at the sky to get everyone to shut up.”

“He was shooting at the fucking sky?”

“Yeah, they’re… emotional, these guys.”

“What the hell’s happening now?”