Page 112 of The Square

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT - CHRISTINE

There is an airof competitiveness between Eliza and me and I hate it. I used to enjoy it. A little. Back when I first met her. I used to think she was so cool. So smooth. So in control. So slick. I thought she was the mistress of thieves. She might even have been my role model.

Which now makes me want to gag.

But that was before I found out she was falling in love with my Alec.

He is mine.

There is no doubt.

I know this, she knows this, he knows this.

So why do I let her get to me?

Jealousy, I suppose.

Which is why, when Alec leads the way across the lawn, she and I power-walk, silently competing with each other to be directly behind him.

I can practically feel Russell rolling his eyes because he hangs back a few yards, stalking forward alone.

“I’m sorry,” Eliza whispers into the night.

“What?” I hiss back.

“I said I’m sorry. I didn’t know about you and… well… I didn’t know. I thought we had an agreement.”

I huff out some air, shaking my head. “About?”

“Alec. I thought… you knew. As long as we were in England it was fine. I thought you knew.”

“Are we really having this talk right now?”

“I’m just trying to make peace before… whatever happens, happens.”

What does she think is happening? “Fine. Whatever,” I whisper.

“You knew about us, right?”

“Yes,” I hiss. “It wasn’t about you, Eliza. Don't flatter yourself.”

“I know that now,” she says, turning her head to find my gaze. We continue to power-walk but the air of competitiveness has dissipated a little. “But I had no idea that you—”

“Just shut up, OK?”

“I have always liked you, Christine. Have always respected you. We were friends.”

“Just… later, for fuck’s sake.”

“I know he’s yours. I understand that. Accepted it long ago. Before Andra came along. Before any of that. He has always been yours. He has always belonged to you and Danny. I never had any illusions otherwise. I just want you to know I’m not a threat. OK?”

I don’t know what to say. I want to hate her with every fiber of my being. I want to give in to the loathing and the blame. Make her my archenemy for life.

But the truth is… it’s no one’s fault. No one did this to me. No one made me into this person, or forced me into this life, or took anything away from me.

It just happened.

And if I really take a good hard look at things… every one of these people here gave me something more than what I had. Alec and Danny are my family. We are married to each other. We are in love. We are a team. It’s us three against the world.