Page 72 of Play Dirty

“The Club has been closed for over a year, yet you just started getting interested in it recently. Why is that, Jordan?”

I stare at Alexander. Wondering if that’s true. Was I over it? And then did I get drawn back in by the reappearance of Ix?

“I have no grand delusion that Ix, Evangeline, and I will become partners, you guys. None. That’s not what this is about.”

“Then what’s it about?” Alexander asks.

Augustine shoots him a look. Like she wants him to shut up but he won’t.

“I just want a place to go.” It’s lame. Even I know it’s lame. But it’s true. That’s really all I want. “A place that’s familiar. Where I know people. Where I’m not judged or made to feel… dark.” I shoot a look at Alexander. “Where I can be me and not feel weird, I guess.”

“Like… a home,” Augustine says.

“Sure. I guess.”

“Where you can have multiple partners and never commit,” Alexander offers.

“Goddammit, Alexander,” Augustine snaps.

“What?” he says. All exasperated with her annoyance. “I’m just following his fucking lead.”

“It’s not about multiple partners,” I say, thinking it through as I ignore their disagreement on how to ‘handle’ me. “It’s just… expectations are set from the beginning. There’s no room for mistakes. Everyone knows how to play the game. Everyone understands the rules.”

“So it’s safe,” Alexander says.

“Yeah.” I shrug. “So what?”

“Well, it’s funny.” He laughs. “That perfectly describes what you didn’t have with us in LA. There were no rules. There were no expectations.”

“But there were plenty of consequences,” I add.

“Not for you,” he quips back. “Ixion took your fall back there.”

“And I’m fucking sorry about that, OK? I told him that. I’ve apologized to you two. I’m fucking sorry. And if you’re still pissed off about it, then why are you here?”

“Just fucking tell him, August. For fuck’s sake. Can’t you see he’s never going to figure it out on his own?”

“Tell me what? Figure what out?”

Alexander opens his mouth to speak. And I swear to God, I have a moment of panic that he’s gonna say something… I dunno. Bad.

But then Augustine beats him to it and says, “That we love you. That we’re here because we love you, and care about you, and want you in our lives again. And… we’re worried about you.”

“OK.” I laugh. Because this is stupid. “That’s the third goddamned reason you’ve given me so far. First,” I say, holding up one finger, “you told me that you guys needed me to save your marriage. Because of Augustine. She missed me, and even though you don’t miss me”—I look at Alexander —“you love her and I was the only hope you had of keeping her. Then,” I say, ticking off another finger, “you tell me he’s dangerous or some bullshit like that. He can’t control himself. But oddly enough, none of that has come through in the sex we’ve had so far. And now,” I say, holding up a third finger. “Now you’re both in love with me. So which one is it?” I stare at them. First her, then him, then back to her. “Which of these is true and which are lies?”

Augustine opens her mouth to speak, but she stutters.”I… we… listen, you just…”

“We love you,” Alexander says. “I mean, for fuck’s sake, Wells. No one would put up with your bullshit if they didn’t love you.”

“I find your answer somewhat hard to believe.”

“Whatever,” he says. “I’m sick of explaining myself to you.”

“It’s just not… coming off as authentic,” I say. I look at Augustine and shrug. “Sorry. It’s just not.”

“Did we ever tell you why we split up?”

“Alexander,” Augustine interrupts. “No.”