Page 26 of Play Dirty

“Did you ever… did you ever…”

“Did I ever what?” I ask, getting impatient with her stammering.

“Did you ever wonder who was the top? In our relationship.”

My brow creases as I think about that. “No, I guess not. It wasn’t really like that. At least I didn’t think it was.”

“I didn’t think it was either. But after you left… there was… some… maybe…”

“Goddammit, Augustine, just spit it out.”

“He got dominant,” she says.

“Like how?”

“Like… you know. Choking and—”

“What?”

“—face-slapping and—”

“What?”

“—and no bondage. Not that kind of dominant. But like… total throat-fucks and—”

“What?”

“—and we had a few threesomes and they were really… um, wow, like intense and—”

“Jesus Christ, Augustine. What are you saying? Did he hit you? Scare you?”

“No,” she says quickly. “No, no, no. That’s not what I’m saying. Not exactly, anyway.”

I turn to face her, unwilling to accept where this might be going. “Not exactly how?”

“He’s just… very… rough, Jordan.”

“So he hit you?”

“No.” She shaking her head. “I’m not here to complain about it. You’re misunderstanding me.”

“OK,” I say, leaning back into the cushions to put some distance between us. “What the fuck are you trying to tell me?”

“The reason…” She sighs deeply. “He’s going to kill me—not literally,” she jokes, which I do not find funny. Like at all. “For telling you because he wanted to be there when we did that. Together. But I think you’re about to bail on us and I don’t want you to do that without hearing this first.” She looks at me. Swallows hard and stares into my eyes. “Hearing why we need you.”

I stare back at her. My eyes searching hers as they dart back and forth.

“He won’t… engage,” she finally says.

“Engage?” I ask. “What do you mean?”

“With me. That’s why he won’t fuck me.”

“I don’t understand. He’s afraid of… oh, fuck. He’s afraid of losing control?”

Augustine swallows hard again and nods her head. “Yes. He did scare me once. I… I got lost in the scene, ya know? It all became too real and… I dunno, I freaked out. And ever since then he’s refused to fuck me.”

I just stare at her.