Page 59 of The Boyfriend Experience

Viv chews her lip. Eyes drifting up towards the ceiling as she thinks.

“Oh!” I say. “I know.” Both heads turn to look at me. “Hold on.” I grab the book and start flipping though photographs. “Like this, but”—I flip a few more pages until I find another photo—“with this too.”

Vivi looks at me. Then at Law. “This what you want?”

Law takes the book from my hand. Looks at the photo. Flips the pages back to the first one. Then repeats that process a few more times until he starts smiling. “Yes, but…” Flipping pages again. “But with this too.” He points to another photograph.

Vivi eyes him for a second, then says, “You’re naked now. No ink at all. And you’re telling me you want this?”

Law nods.

I try to picture how intricate that piece would be and can’t.

“What you’re asking for is more than a bicep. It’s gotta flow over to the chest and finish up on the opposite arm. Probably involve both shoulder blades on your back too. This is a commitment. You’re gonna need to come back a whole bunch of times over the next year to get this kind of work. Like… you and I are gonna be real good friends by the time I’m done.”

He nods again. “I get it.”

But I don’t. It was just… just supposed to be one. I didn’t want to change him that much. I mean…

But Law follows Vivi when she walks over to the counter, picks up a sketchpad, and starts drawing with colored pencils, like this is really happening.

When she’s done, she holds it up and Law says. “Yes. Do it.”

Vivi looks at me and I don’t say anything, because I’m still kind of stunned that he’s going to take it this far.

So Vivi says, “OK. Follow me.”

So he follows her back behind the wall to get himself inked up.

For me.

And the guilt is back. So much guilt is flowing through me, I put a hand on his arm and say, “Are you sure?”

And he says, “Yeah.”

That’s it. Just… yeah.

But I don’t think he’d be here if I didn’t bring it up. I don’t think he’s ever given tattoos a second thought after his friend told him not to get them. And now he’s here making an insane commitment to turn his skin into artwork just to play my game.

My heart starts beating fast. Sweat begins to bead on my forehead and I get a little dizzy as the reality of what’s happening sinks in. Vivi leaves the room to go get something.

“Law,” I say. “Maybe you shouldn’t do this.”

“What?” He laughs, sitting down in the tattoo chair. “It was your idea!”

“I know,” I say. “It shouldn’t be my idea, it should be yours.”

He reaches over, places a hand on my cheek, and says, “It is my idea. I’ve always wanted one, it’s just… I was told to look professional, ya know. And that was Bric’s idea of who I was, not mine. And now my whole life is about to change. In a few days I’m gonna meet up with those Home TV people and after it’s all done, I’ll be a different guy. The guy I’ve always wanted to be. The guy I always thought I was. Maybe… maybe that’s my problem? Maybe I’m having an early mid-life crisis because I turned into who Bric wanted me to be, not the guy I wanted to be?”

“And this guy you envision yourself being… he has sleeves and a chest piece? Because that’s what this will be by the time you’re done.”

“Why not?” he says. “I mean, if I was happy being this guy I’d just keep doing what I’m doing. I’m tired of being this guy. It’s never felt right, ya know? It’s always felt fake. Like I forgot who I was and where I came from. And I feel like if I get this piece then there’s no way I’ll ever forget again.”

I smile at him. Tentatively. Almost convinced.

“And besides. We need to get that Hanna Harlow bitch and once she sees the new me, she’ll fall right into our trap.”

My smile falters. He wants to make me happy, which, for some reason, makes me sad instead.