Page 40 of The Pleasure of Panic

“Nope,” I say. “He didn’t cross any lines at all tonight.”

“You don’t know it’s him, OK?”

“You seem to think it’s him.”

“That’s because none of it made sense.”

“You thought you were gonna be taken to a sex club to be fucked in front of—”

“Just never mind that part, OK? My friend set this up for me as a Valentine’s Day gift. To make me do something outside of work. So I went over to the tea shop to talk about it, Jordan was there, and I told him what I wanted, and then he closed my file and said…” She sighs. Loudly.

“Said what?”

Silence.

“Goddammit, Issy. What did he say?”

“He said… he said no, OK? He said no, I wasn’t right for his game, and he closed my file and walked out. There, are you happy now?”

I want to laugh, but it doesn’t seem appropriate. So I hold it in and try to be professional. “So if he said no, then why did you think you were supposed to let me fuck you tonight?”

“Jesus, could you be any more vulgar?”

“Answer the question. God, I’m gonna get it out of you eventually, why do you insist on making this so difficult?”

“I thought it was part of the game, OK? Like… he’s supposed to be this master sex game planner. So I figured none of this FBI stuff made much sense, so it must be the game. That’s all it was. A stupid misunderstanding. I assumed something, I was wrong, now let’s drop it.”

“Master sex game planner. I really need to meet this guy.”

“Why?” She laughs. “You gonna buy a game from him?”

“Me? No. I don’t need a game to get fucked.”

“I’m sure you don’t, playboy.”

I think through her comments for a while. She stays silent. Just leaning her head up against the window, looking outside like she’s wishing she could be anywhere but here.

I want to tell her things. Things like, Well, I had fun. Hope you did too. Or Maybe we can do it again tomorrow? And this time I can zip-tie you up, wink wink, if you know what I mean.

But I don’t.

Because she said none of the FBI stuff made much sense.

“Not any sense,” I say.

“What?” she says, dragging her gaze from the window.

“You said none of this FBI stuff made much sense. Not any sense. Which means it made a little sense.”

“You’re really reaching now.”

“Am I?”

“You are.”

I’m not, but I drop it. Because I knew she was hiding something back at the office. I knew. Felt it in my bones.

And now I’m gonna make it my mission to figure out what it is.