Page 83 of Wasted Lust

“Save me, Sasha Cherlin.” And then he pulls out a FN Five-SeveN from the waistband of his jeans and places the weapon in my hand. “Save me, Sasha. I’m begging you.”

“No.” I start to cry. “No.”

He places my finger on the trigger of the gun and lifts it up to his forehead. I try to pull back, but he wraps my hand in both of his and holds it in place.

The womp-womp sound of helicopters thunders over the house and we both look up at the ceiling, like we can see through it. Like we can see the future that is unfolding before us.

“Shoot me, Sasha. I’m begging you. If you love me—if you ever loved me—kill me now. Before they come and take me away and make me continue living this hell my parents sentenced me to twenty-eight years ago.”

“I won’t do it,” I sob. “I can’t do it, Nick. Don’t make me do this.”

“Shhhh,” he says, taking a deep breath and stopping his own crying. “Just listen,” he whispers. “Just listen to me. They take the girls, Sasha. They take the girls and turn them into monsters. And I did my best, kid. I did. But they train them as fast as I can kill them. Right now, I’m winning. I have killed so many fucked-up Zeros, I lost count. But right now, Sasha, this moment in time, I’m winning. I got so many kids. I got twice as many parents. I have literally killed thousands of people, even if it wasn’t by my own hand. I’m winning. They’re all dead.”

He stops holding my hands on the gun and holds my face instead. “They’re all dead except for us. But if we don’t change the game in a big way, they’ll just keep doing it. I’m the leader, Sasha. I am the Company. And if you end me, that’s something they won’t ignore. If you end me, it sends a message that you’ll end them too. Whoever is left will get that message loud and clear. We won, Sasha. We won. And will always win because you, and James, and Merc, and Harper, and Sydney… and Jax. You six will do whatever it takes to make it stop.”

I stare at him, not even knowing what to say to all that.

“Kate. Think of your little sister. They’ll come take her, Sasha. Some nobody will get big ideas and they’ll come steal her away in the night and ruin her future, just like they ruined ours.”

The helicopters are louder now, and then a wind blows in through the front door as they try to land nearby.

“They’ll be here in a minute or less, Sash. And if you let them take me, they’ll lock me up. But one day, because of what I do and who I am, I’ll get out.” He squeezes my face to make this point. “I’ll. Get. Out. And then I’ll come for Kate myself. Because that’s my job. I am the Company. That’s who I am, Sasha Cherlin.” He holds up my badge, dangling from my neck, and puts it right in front of my face. “And this is who you are. So do your job, Sasha Aston. Do your job or I will come back one day and get her.”

Men are shouting out in the yard now, and I hear boots storming for the door.

“I’ll torture her, Sasha. The way Garrett tortured you two years ago. I’ll find her, take her, drug her, rape—”

I squeeze the trigger just as the light flooding through the front door is masked with men in Kevlar vests and riot gear.

“Drop your weapon!” they shout. “Drop your weapon and put your face on the ground!”

I drop the gun and fall to my knees. Shocked. Too shocked to react as reality sinks in.

The men push me to the floor face-first, handcuff me, and flip me over on my back.

That’s when they see my badge sitting on my stomach, hanging off that chain that Nick put around my neck. One guy lifts his visor up on his helmet and reaches for it.

“Sasha Aston,” I say. “FBI.”

They lead me out of the house. It takes two of them to keep me upright because my legs are not working. “Shock,” the guy on my left says, as he hands me off to someone else. “She’s OK, she’s just in shock.”

The new guy hugs me tight. “Sasha,” Jax says, his whole body trembling. “Sasha, look at me.”

I look up at his face. His blue eyes are filled with more fear than I’ve ever seen. I start to cry and bury my head in his chest.

“Say something,” he whispers into my neck. “Say something so I know you’re OK.”

“I killed him, Jax. He tricked me. He tricked me into shooting him point-blank in the head.”

Jax says nothing to that, just holds me tight and walks me out to the ambulance so they can take a look at me. Make sure I’m OK. But I don’t know if I’ll ever be OK. I’m not sure if killing Nick will end my life or save it.

I’m only sure of one thing right now.

Nick Tate is a liar. Nick Tate is a liar and I fell for it. I let him goad me into ending his life. I let my love for Kate and my fear of Garrett control me.

I know in my heart there’s no way Nick would ever hurt Kate. Never. Not in a million years.

He made me kill him. He made me do my job.