Page 74 of Wasted Lust

“We can’t let them win, Sasha. We can’t.”

“They’ve already won. You remember when I came home early from my trip to Peru last summer? And you thought I was seeing Nick?”

“Yeah,” I whisper.

“I wasn’t seeing Nick, Jax. I was setting up a safe house of my own. Only not for me. For Company girls. I have a house in Golden, Colorado. Up near my old school. And I have it stocked and ready. I even have a girl who lives there full time. Her sole purpose is to take care of these girls we find.”

“Oh, God. I’m so sorry for accusing—”

But she stops my words with a shake of her head. “No, you don’t understand. We have the house, the supplies, everything. But we have no girls. We can’t even find them. We have no idea where to start looking. And it’s like fate is spitting in my face, Jax. It’s telling me to give up. Because I can’t ever succeed. I can try and try and try. I have millions of dollars from when we stole the Company’s money and all I want to do with my life is help those Company girls. Harper and Sydney and I talked about it once. We said we’d never let it happen again. That we’d find a way. So I set up that safe house. But none of that matters in the end, because I have no idea where to find the girls. They are everywhere, I know that. And that’s so much worse. Because they’re nowhere at the same time. I’m a total failure. I’m a fraud. I’m a killer masquerading as an academic. Hiding behind a new name and a new life. But none of it is real. Sasha Aston isn’t real. Only Sasha Cherlin exists. And she’s dead, Jax. She’s a ghost. So what’s left for me?”

I lean down slowly and cover her lips with mine. I kiss her and she tastes like tears. It hurts my heart when her sadness melts into my mouth. And then I pull back and whisper, “Me, Sasha. I’m what’s left. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I will keep my promise. And your aunt—”

“She’s one of them, Jax. Nick came here today. That’s why I didn’t answer my phone. I was outside with him. And he said she’s bad. I felt it as soon as I met her. She’s bad. They keep kids too—”

“It’s not the same, Sasha. Nick doesn’t know what she’s been doing.”

“You’re wrong. Nick knows everything. He always has. Nick pulls strings and makes mountains move, Jax. He’s the leader of the Company now. He said so himself. And I know you want revenge for your brother, but I want him alive, Jax. If you want to save me, then you have to let me save him.”

“Fuck that,” I say. “Fuck that. You don’t need him to save yourself, killer. Because you have me now. So fuck him. Just fuck—”

She puts her fingertips over my lips and says, “Shhh. I have this moment with you. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to take your moments as they come.” Her hand slips down to my shoulder and then her mouth is on my neck. Her soft kiss sends a shiver of pleasure up my spine. “Love me, Jax. If you really want to save me, then love me. Make our moment count.”

“I need more, Sasha. I need more from you than begging. I need some truth.”

I kiss his neck again, moving up, gripping his hair. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know about it, Jax.” I breathe those words into his ear. “Just ask.” He slides his fingers into my hair and pulls my face into him. I inhale his scent. He smells like freedom, and truth, and the rain.

“Why did Nick risk everything?” I bow my head, but Jax tips my chin up to make me face him. “Just tell me why, Sasha. Why a man like that would leave the gangs and come back to America just to have a few words with you.”

“He needs me,” I say.

But Jax is shaking his head. “No, that’s not why.”

“I have secrets, and skills, and these are all things—”

“No, Sasha.” he says firmly. “That’s not why. Tell me why he came back.”

I can only shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know. I don’t know. He’s done some bad things. He left me and he has regrets. He wants to be forgiven.”

“That’s not why.” Jax’s mouth is in a severe frown. “Can’t you say it? Or can’t you believe it?”

“I don’t understand, Jax. Just tell me what you want—”

“To hear? Is that what you think this is about? Telling me what I want to hear?” He closes his eyes and sighs. And then his hand drops from my face and finds the dip of the muscle of my upper arm. He caresses my skin for a few seconds before nipping my shoulder.

I inhale sharply, the slight pinch catching me off guard.

“You’re real,” he says, inching his body down. His lips find the center of my breast, and then he nips again. This time I’m ready for it, but my back arches because it feels so good. “You’re real,” he repeats.

He turns me so I’m flat on my back and takes my hands in his, entwining our fingers together. And then he lifts them above my head and holds them on the pillow for a moment, so he can look into my eyes. His face dips down to mine. “You’re real,” he breathes into my mouth. “Say it back, Sasha.”

“I’m real,” I mouth back, almost no sound escaping.

He lets go of my hands. “Trust me now.”

“I do,” I say, closing my eyes.

He sits up, straddling my hips, the muscles of his legs pressing against my outer thighs. And then he leans down and kisses my stomach. The soft pecks turn into little nibbles and then he sweeps his tongue straight down between my legs, licking the fabric of my panties. “Why am I here, Sasha?”