Page 57 of Wasted Lust

“So this is what you’ve been doing all these months?”

“Yeah,” I say flatly.

“Cataloging my life. Building a timeline.”

I can see where this is going, but she has every right to be pissed.

“I don’t want to hunt people for a living, Jax.”

“I understand,” I say, pushing her away a little so I can see her face. “I do. But hunting with a badge and hunting with a gun are two very different things. And I’m not asking you to decide today, all right? I just want you to think about it. Make it an option. We could use your help, Sasha. We really could. With you we could bring the Company down once and for all.”

“But there’s Company people in the FBI.”

“I know. Why do you think Max Barlow’s division is black ops? It’s been black ops since the Seventies when he figured out the Company existed. We don’t have any infiltrators in that area, Sasha. I promise you. There are only four people in the whole department.”

“You?”

“Me and Max. And two others I can’t name unless you sign on.”

“I don’t know what to think.”

“Don’t think anything yet. OK? Just… let’s just go to bed. Get some rest. And then we can discuss it again over breakfast and I’ll take you home if you want.”

She turns to look at the wall of Nick again. “I need to know what he’s been doing. All of it. Even if it’s bad.”

“Not now. Tomorrow. You’ve heard enough tonight.” I take her hand and lead her towards the bedroom. She resists for a moment, but then she’s walking with me. “I’ll sleep on the couch if you want.”

“No,” she says. “The last thing I want tonight is to be alone in a strange bed.”

I smile into the darkness. “I told you, you’re safe with me. I meant it.”

We walk into the bedroom and she starts to climb under the covers. I put a hand on her shoulder to stop her. “Wait. I have some dry clothes you can change into.”

I grab her a new t-shirt and boxer briefs and point towards the bathroom. She shoots a shy grin towards the floor as she takes them from my hands and that just kills me. I imagined her a million ways as I gathered information these past few months, but finding out she is soft and so very, very sweet is a complete surprise.

“Thank you,” she says, walking into the bathroom and closing the door.

I watch her shadow change the light seeping out from under the door for a few seconds, and then climb into bed, leaving the covers open for her.

She comes out a few minutes later, flipping the light off as she passes through the door. And then a few seconds later her small body is next to me. “You know a lot more about me than I know about you.”

“Sorry about that. But if you have any questions, just ask. I’d love for you to know me better.”

She turns her body and I can see her shadowed face in the dim light from the window. “Why me?”

“You’re special.” It comes out easy because it’s true.

“I’m bad too. I’m just as bad as Nick.”

A strand of hair falls over her cheek and I reach over and tuck it behind her ear so I can continue looking at her face. “I know you think that thirteen was old enough to call the shots, Sasha. I can tell. You’re independent and strong. You’re well-educated and logical. But that’s not logical. You were a child. They killed your whole family. You responded the way they trained you. You didn’t choose to continue that path like Nick did. You allowed someone else to take charge and you left it behind. I’m stunned that you don’t see yourself as a survivor.”

“I do,” she says, her defenses up. “I’ve always seen myself that way. I kicked ass back in the day. And I can still kick ass now.”

“As Julian is now aware. And that’s not what I meant. I meant that you allow yourself to be a product of your environment. And you’re not. You rose above it. You’re out. You can stay out.”

“If I join you.”

I lean in and kiss her gently on the mouth. She responds in her soft way that has had my full attention since I saw her outside her school yesterday afternoon. She is on the edge of something. A discovery. About Nick, for sure. About herself, I hope. About the world, unfortunately. And tomorrow it’s only going to get worse. I pull back a little and whisper, “Let me erase those doubts.”