Page 32 of Wasted Lust

I nod, once again before I realize I’m doing it. “My grandparents’ ranch. My father’s family raised cattle in northern Wyoming. They had a huge place. Thousands of acres. They ranched that land for over a hundred years.”

“And the Company blew it up.”

I look Jax in the eye and make a decision. I need this man to understand what it is I’m doing here with him. I need him to know who and what I am before he tries something he will regret. Something that will make me react on instinct.

And because he told me something real, I decide to reciprocate. “I had just turned thirteen. Lost my father less than a month before on Christmas Eve. I went from little girl to child assassin in the span of a few weeks. I killed four men the night they came. I was waiting for them.” I let out a long sigh. “Looking back, I was always waiting for them.”

“It must’ve been devastating.”

“It wasn’t, though. I mean…” I look down at my hands in my lap. The way I said it sounds so cold. “I mean, it was. Losing my father was the worst. I cried for weeks. But Ford came—” I have to stop and collect myself for a minute. I will not cry in front of this stranger. I refuse to let him break down the walls I’ve been building brick by brick for a decade. “I had met Ford the day before and he came to see me on Christmas Day. And he helped me.” I look Jax in the eyes, in control again. “So when they came to kill me a second time, they got my grandparents. I didn’t have enough training to save them. Just myself. I got out of the house by jumping out the second-story window into a snow drift and hid in the hills with a rifle. I got three of them from a distance. And the last one thought he’d get away, but I was in the back of his pickup as he drove off and I shot him in the head through the cab window.”

He doesn’t flinch. Even James flinched when I told him this story. “It must’ve rocked your world to kill at such a young age.”

I shake my head. “No. It made me hard and calculating. The window shattered and bits of glass, and blood, and bone got stuck in my hair. And I refused to wash it for days as I waited for Merc to come find me. I wanted all that debris to remind me of the stakes. Of the harsh reality I was living in. It felt good, Jax. It made me feel powerful. And you can think I’m sick all you want for naming that psycho they call Merc as a true friend. But he is. And if that makes me sick, then I’m sick, I guess. My love for him took root when he picked me up on the hills outside my family ranch and took me in. Promised to make it right for me. And then I met James. And we went and found Harper. And the rest is history, isn’t it? We crippled a global organization. Set them back years. They haven’t yet fully recovered from that blow. But they will, Jax. They will recover. They are too big to take out all at once. So those assassins you look at with contempt are the people who would die for me when that happens. I’m sure you have a story to tell about your childhood, Jax. Everyone has one. But no one on this planet can understand my past except those three people. I won’t help you get them, if that’s what you’re after. I won’t help you get Nick, either.”

“Because he was your promise?”

I raise an eyebrow at that. “If you think you know what that term means, then you are a Company kid. And if you’re a Company kid, you had better tell me now, or you will wake up with my knife slashing your throat.”

He doesn’t shoot me one of those disarming smiles or chuckle under his breath, like I’m so cute. He nods like a professional doing business. “I’m not a Company kid, Sasha. But I know a few. And that’s why I’m taking you to see your aunt before I let the FBI know I have you.”

“I’m going to make this very clear, Special Agent Jax Barlow. You have no idea what it means to be a Company kid. None. I don’t care how many people you talk to, you can never, ever understand what it means unless you go through it. I barely know the horror of that title, and I grew up in that world. I’ve seen things, experienced things—things you can’t even begin to imagine. So if you ever say it so casually again, I will end this association. And just so we’re both on the same page, a Company assassin does that one way.”

“You’ll kill me?” he asks, as serious as I am. “For uttering words?”

“They aren’t words. They’re threats. You think you know me?” I stare hard at him as he tries to ease back by taking another sip of his drink. “You want Sasha Cherlin? You want that child killer back as a means to your end? Well, you’ve got her full attention. You have no idea how ruthless I can be, and if you cross me, I will not hesitate and I will not miss.”

He sets his glass down with a clink of ice and leans back in his seat, trying to feign relaxation. “Well, Miss Aston, thank you for your honesty. Point taken. And now that we both agree who you were, maybe we can try to figure out who you actually are.”

I take a deep breath as Sasha smiles thinly at Essie as her plate of lobster tail is set down before her. “Thanks, Essie,” I say. “It looks fabulous, as usual.”

She bows her head and retreats, pulling the burl wood pocket doors closed as she exits the main cabin.

Sasha is already poking her food with her fork. Trying to calm down, I suspect.

That was a moment I didn’t expect. I mean, I was trying my hardest to get her to bare her soul to me, but I hadn’t counted on the venom that came out with her threat.

She’s wrong though. I do know what it means to be a Company kid. Maybe not as intimately as she does, but I know more than most. I’ve seen the way they deliver their misplaced justice. I’ve been on the receiving end of an attack. I’ve lived with the horror they leave in their wake.

I know a little.

Maybe not enough, though, my inner voice counters.

And I have to agree with that voice. I need to stay alert with Sasha until we are both working towards the same goal. Because I do not need another Company assassin as my enemy right now.

“Are you excited to see your aunt, Sasha?”

“No,” she says, just before taking a bite of her lobster. She chews slowly for a few seconds, and then swallows and takes a sip of her martini. “If I have another living relative, then I’m angry.” She looks me in the eyes and holds my gaze. “Pissed off, actually. Where the fuck has she been?”

“Well,” I say, taking my own bite of food and chewing slowly. I wipe my mouth with my napkin and then take a sip of my drink. “I guess the formalities are gone now? You want to say fuck and threaten to kill me?”

“You have a problem with my language? Ha,” she laughs. “That’s funny. I’m sure you FBI guys are all about manners?”

“I’m just saying I enjoy treating you like a woman. I’d like to continue to treat you that way. But if you want to act like an assassin, I’ll have to change my tactics.”

I get nothing but silence.

“I get it,” I say, trying to delete the edge from my voice. But she’s dangerous. I knew this going in. I just forgot. She was so in control during most of our interactions. She lost a little of that control tonight, and even though that’s my main goal for taking her out, I don’t want to shoot myself in the back, so to speak, by drawing out the instincts the Company honed in her as a child. She is lethal. They are all lethal. “I have a tendency to overstep. I didn’t understand some things. The title, I guess. I’m sorry I upset you. I really do want you to like me and I really did plan all this to try to make that happen.”