Page 28 of Wasted Lust

“No, Sasha,” I say back as we descend the stairs of her porch. “That car belongs to the government. I, however, do not. And this night, as I promised, is not about them. It’s about us.”

I expect some questions, but she refrains and goes with the flow. Secrets are a part of her, just like they’re a part of me. I played a card and she held one.

Game on.

What the fuck does that mean? I want to question him, but I’m not about to tip my hand and get lost in his secrets. I’m done with secrets. I had so many as a child, and it was so difficult to let them go that I refuse to go back to a time when everything that came out of my mouth was lies. I want to be fun, crazy Sasha Cherlin. But I’ve been Sasha Aston too long to just slide back into the secrets. They make me sick. They make my heart beat fast and my mind spin.

He can keep his secrets. And what do I care if he’s on the up and up with the US government? It’s not like I have any plans to join him in whatever little crusade he has going. I’m going on a date with him tonight so I can get answers tomorrow. That’s it. And I refuse to feel dirty for wanting answers. I have a right to know certain things. Nick was my promise. We were supposed to get married and be partners for life. And yeah, that was dirty. Everything behind that was covered in the filth of the Company. But I have nothing to feel ashamed about. I was too young to understand the implications of what I wanted and what he refused to give me. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have feelings for him. That doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to know what happened to him after he left me that night.

So screw Jax. He can keep his shit to himself.

“Let me get that for you,” he says as we reach the black limo. I wait as he opens the door and waves me in.

I get in and scoot over, allowing him to get in beside me. By that time the driver is there to close us up and we have a moment of silence as he walks around the car and gets in the front seat. The divider is down and I wait for Jax to send the glass partition sliding upward to give us privacy, but he doesn’t.

Instead he turns his body slightly, brushing his knee against mine in the process, and says, “This is Adam, Sasha. He’s part of the security team.”

I turn my head so he can’t see me roll my eyes. “Nice to meet you, Adam,” I say back, my manners taking over. And then I turn to Jax with my first question as Adam pulls away from the curb. “Where are we going?”

He smiles. No, not really a smile. A smirk that leads me to believe he thinks he’s going to pull something over on me.

“Jesus Christ, Jax. Stop the bullshit. I’m not interested in you. I don’t think you’re cute or funny, and you’re annoying me with all this secret stuff you have going.”

“You don’t think I’m cute?” he asks, smiling that smile again. “Really?”

“Not my type, sorry,” I deadpan back. Silence hangs in the air between us. I squirm in my seat a little. He is cute, but I’m not starting this game.

“Discretion, Miss Cherlin, is something I am always aware of. We need discretion tonight. I don’t want too many eyes and ears on you until we have a deal.”

“There’s no deal in the works. We made a deal, yes. I go out to dinner with you and you give me answers about…” I trail off and glance at Adam, not sure if I should mention Nick’s name.

“Oh, he’s got clearance. He knows all about Nick Tate. More than me, probably.”

Another worm dangled in front of me that I refuse to take as bait. And since I can say nothing that will put me in a position of power right now, I turn my body slightly away from Jax and stare out of the window.

“But I understand what you’re trying to say. You’re only here because I have something you need, and that’s fine. Tomorrow I will give you everything you think you want to know about Nick. And maybe you’ll be able to walk away. But maybe not. It’s possible we will strike a new deal, and if that happens I will gladly bring you into the FBI family with me. All these… precautions can be over. But until then—”

“I’m a secret, right?” This makes me angry. So angry my face begins to heat up and I turn my body another fraction so he can’t watch the way I react to his words.

He leans close to me, eliminating that small distance I was trying to create between us. “Not to me you’re not.”

I don’t answer, just sit in silence as we drive towards the edge of town.

“What I do on the outside, Sasha, is not what I do on the inside.”

“You don’t say.” I don’t even know what that means.

“But let’s drop that for now. And try to have a good time. By the way, I never did find out what you were up to that day.”

“What day?” I say it with an attitude I didn’t realize was brewing. Control, Sasha, I tell myself. No emotions tonight.

“When you came home from Peru early.”

“I wasn’t early,” I say with even more edge. “The internship was over days before I left. I was late.”

“Hmmm. OK. Regardless, you were up to something. And you knew I was on to you, so you curbed whatever it was and walked away from it. I admit, I was surprised you had so much self-control. At first I figured I was wrong about my suspicions. But then I realized you’re very disciplined. So you walking away meant the opposite. It was something very important, wasn’t it?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about now, Jax. And by the way, do you have a last name? I’d like to check your credentials with the FBI after I get what I want tomorrow.”