Page 20 of Meant for Mayhem

Dammit, I laughed again. “That.”

Her brow scrunched. “I’m not following.”

I turned toward her, feeling the last of my panic attack dissipate the longer I was with her. “That’s why I said your name. Why I trust you. You say the things everyone else is too afraid to say, and I like it.”

This time it was my turn to pace. “My head is messy enough without me having to second guess every single thing someone says. If I’m going to have someone in my life in any sort of long-term capacity, I need to know you’ll tell me the truth. That you won’t tiptoe around me or hide something from me so I don’t worry. I worry no matter what, maybe even more when someone tells me not to, because now I apparently need to worry enough for both of us.”

“Back to Ava. Are you worried Leena was affected by her mother’s addiction?”

“Ava was a partier when I met her. I knew it, but I didn’t know how far she’d slipped down that path. She swore when she found out she was pregnant she sobered up. Everything medically has come back clear for Leena so far, but there are some developmental delays that make me pause.”

“What kind of delays?”

I spun on my heel, facing her again. “Well, if you haven’t noticed, she doesn’t talk yet.”

“Is that why you thought of me? Because I can help?”

“Honestly, I’d forgotten what you were studying until Beckett mentioned it earlier. But it only proves my point. If I had to choose anyone to be my wife, it was always going to be you.”

She frowned, but her gaze darted around my face. I stood there, letting her look. Letting her see that I meant it to the bottom of my soul.

“I chose you because you understand the value of truth, even when it hurts. You look for danger the way I do. You’d protect Leena the way I would. And I think you also understand that actions speak so much louder than words when it comes to loving someone. What more could I want for my child?”

This time, I could see her grey eyes glisten in the low light, not hiding the emotion roiling within. I stepped back into her space, swiping a thumb across her cheek to wipe away a stray tear that slipped out.

“I chose you because I love my daughter more than anything on earth,” I whispered. “And the more I think about it, I bet you could too.”

6

It took a lot to surprise me, but every single word out of Mikko’s mouth was downright shocking. My face still tingled from the trace of his thumb across my skin. While Mikko and I had somewhat circled each other the last few months, he’d never touched me.

And this touch?

It was far more intimate than a brush of a hand.

I swiped at my face, feeling betrayed by my body that I was crying.

Of all the things Mikko could have said, pressing right on the addict parent wound was a sure-fire way to make me sit up and take notice. Even at 26, those scars weren’t ones I’d outgrown, not with an alcoholic father who lived across town and an absent mother I hadn’t seen in two decades.

How a parent chose to walk away from a child was beyond me, a hurt so deep I wasn’t sure I’d ever heal from it. I hated that Leena was destined for the same wounds of feeling like never being enough, never worth staying for.

And fuck that.

Anger was easier than sadness, something I was all too familiar with.

I pulled away from him, squinting up at the big man. “If you’re making this up to manipulate me into helping you, I will gut you and leave no trace. No parent at all is better than a gaslighting asshole.”

Mikko reeled back, his blue eyes wide. “A Finn never lies.”

“Except about being married to me.”

“Yes. And I’m sorry for that. But I’m not sorry my subconscious chose you. You are the only one I can think of who I’d even consider letting into our lives like this. The only one I trust.”

I focused on the floor instead of him because the intensity in his eyes made me want to believe him. “How long are you thinking we’d need to do this?”

“If you could give me until next summer, that would buy me enough time to think through what my next steps are. Regular season is six months, longer if we make it to playoffs.”

The numbers added up in my head. Nine more months of no housing expenses and my clinical paycheck would add up fast. That would make a big difference.