Page 113 of Meant for Mayhem

That was the weirdest part of all.

Road trips with the team were an entirely different routine. Mikko thrived on stability, so as much as he could make the same, he did. Same travel crib. Same day planned out down to the food he thought Leena and I might like to eat in each city. Same pizza waiting for us when we checked in.

Dallas. Los Angeles. Detroit. Vancouver… Leena and I spent our days touring each city with Mikko as our absent but diligent guide, and our nights watching her dad on the ice, looking more confident with each game. Meanwhile, I was loving every moment of this unexpected perk.

It was exhilarating seeing him doing so well, and impossible to ignore the passion hockey brought out of their fans. And after, when adrenaline and proximity and plain positivity mixed, Mikko and I gave in to the chemistry between us, time and time again.

We were glorified fuck buddies, except without the fucking. I still hadn’t let us go further than hands and mouths, but with each day trip he planned and each orgasm he delivered, it was harder to remember that this wasn’t real.

I wasn’t special.

Mikko was this attentive with everyone.

A convenient explanation that worked perfectly as long as I kept lying to myself.

This was the first morning I woke up in my bed at home, regretting that I hadn’t let our relationship extend to the penthouse too. There was no heavy arm across my stomach or sleepy Finnish muttered against the back of my neck, and a secret, traitorous part of me hated it.

Before I could ponder why the loneliness felt so very alone, I threw myself out of bed and into the shower. I dressed with quick efficiency—black scrubs, black boots, and enough jewelry that Walt would threaten me with a metal detector.

The penthouse was still dark when I left my bedroom, everyone still asleep. The Yeti had a late game last night, and Mikko would have today off. Both he and Leena were still asleep down the hall, so the only sound was the hum of the refrigerator.

For one ridiculous second, I wanted to call out of work. To spend the day home with my two favorite people. To pretend this slice of heaven was real.

Instead, I walked toward the kitchen, headed for the coffeemaker, but stopped at the sight of a brown bag and a clear plastic coffee cup. It was from the bagel place I frequented, either by myself or with Leena. It wasn’t exactly New York good, but I’d mentioned it to Mikko one morning, promising to bring him back a bagel next time.

My heart kicked hard against my ribs. The cafe was so small, they didn’t deliver, so someone had already picked it up this morning.

No note.

No dramatic display.

Just my usual order, left where he knew I’d find it.

My gaze drifted down the hall to Mikko’s closed door while that lie I kept telling myself felt a little less believable. For one split second, I let myself imagine what it would be like to kick my shoes back off and crawl into bed next to him. To let him quietly take care of me like this forever, making me feel seen in the littlest ways.

But I couldn’t want this.

Couldn’t let myself believe there was anything more here than I was great with his daughter and he was happy to be playing well again.

“Dammit,” I whispered, pressing a hand to my traitorous heart. “Quit making it so hard to keep my distance.”

I forced my feet to move, grabbing the bagel and coffee before slipping into the elevator and making it all the way to my car without turning around. I couldn’t look too closely at the roses embroidered on the headrests or the custom license plate, not when my walls against this man felt so fragile.

My car started up with a chime, the screen illuminating to show I had a whole slew of missed text messages.

Moms of Mayhem

Stevie

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU EMOTIONALLY CONSTIPATED GOTH PRINCESS.

Daisy

I hope today is full of skulls and rock music and all the things your heart could ever desire.

Tate

Was that painful for you to say?