Page 78 of His Holy Chaos

It doesn't come.

I breathe. And what I feel is not the old devastation. It's something quieter. Warmer. Almost like wonder.

I don't care. For the first time in over a year, I genuinely, completely, don't care. Before, just hearing his name would send me spiraling. Now I'm seeing him in the flesh, and the needle doesn't move. Not even a tremor.

I'm free.

"Come on," I say, and get up.

Everybody watches me, but Ford follows without telling me to stop. He knows I have to do this.

Emmett sees us approaching and stops. His face goes through a sequence I remember from our time together. Surprise first: the widening of those brown eyes. Then recognition, not just of me but of the hand on my waist, the man attached to it. And then something softer settles into the lines around his eyes.

We reach him.

"Emmett. Long time no see!" I say. "This is Ford. Ford, this is Emmett."

The two of them do the thing. The sizing-up, the mutual assessment. Ford extends his hand first.

Emmett takes it. Their handshake is firm, and they smile at each other.

"Nice to finally meet you," Ford says. His hand never leaves my back.

"Likewise," Emmett responds.

That's it. That's the whole thing. I don't die. I don't spiral. Nothing happens. Emmett looks at me.

"You look well, Jude. I'm glad," he says, softly. "I hope your new dynamic helps you heal from what we had. I know you struggled with it in the end."

I turn to face him.

Emmett. My old Dom. The guy who shattered my heart.

I smile, and it's my real smile. I feel light. I wink at him, the old gesture, the bratty punctuation, the Jude Piaf signature.

"There's nothing to heal from, silly," I say. "It's all good."

The words leave my mouth, and I realize they're true. There is nothing to heal from, because I'm already healed. Something I couldn't have imagined when I was drowning.

Emmett smiles again. He is truly glad.

"Take care of yourself, Jude."

"You too, Emmett."

He looks at Ford and nods. Ford nods back. Emmett touches my shoulder briefly, and I watch him go.

We cross the room back to where my friends are. Everyone starts cheering. Pierce ruffles my hair. Alfie pats my back. Callum pushes my shoulder lightly. Noa starts jumping up and down again. Glynn laughs, relieved. I press my face into Ford's chest. He kisses my hair.

"I'm so proud of you, sweetheart," he says. I don't say anything, but I'm proud of myself. I couldn't be prouder.

Home, I think. Right here. Right now. These people. Angel back home.

We are enough. More than enough.

Everything.