Page 39 of From LA to London, With Love

I’d negotiated a few days off from filming in London to attend the LA premiere of the latest Muscle Man movie and do an intensive round of media interviews to promote the film, and I wasn't coping well. That might have been an understatement.

Being back in LA, back in the mansion, had brought back a lot of bad memories.

And now, standing on the red carpet by myself, I felt exposed and alone. The humiliation of the leaked photos had come flooding back as soon I stepped out of the car and into the media glare.

Just keep moving, Chris. The cinema door isn’t far away now.

As tempting as it was to make a run for the door, I wanted to do right by my fans. I approached the crowd, plastered a smile on my face, and prepared myself for the dozens of selfies they would inevitably request. I’d made it partway through when an excited woman, in her early twenties with long platinum blonde hair and a short strapless dress, shoved a large piece of paper in front of me, asking me to sign it.

I was reaching forward with my pen when I realized what it was. A photo of my dick, blown up twice its actual size, every vein and wrinkle shown in detail.

I stepped back, reeling in shock. The chest pain intensified. My throat constricted. Fuck. This wasn’t a mild panic attack anymore. I looked around the crowd. Were people laughing at me? Had they all seen the photos?

Dizzy, I took another step back, muttering excuses and trying to keep it together. I gave the crowd a wave, put a forced smile back on my face, and then made my way to one of the film publicists, feeling off balance. Everything had an air of unreality to it.

“I’m sorry. I’m not feeling well. I have to sit down,” I said, trying to stop my voice from shaking.

She looked concerned—more for the film’s publicity, I suspected, than my wellbeing—and ushered me into the cinema. “Can I get you some water? Will you still be able to give some opening remarks?”

I nodded. I sat staring at my phone blankly while I focused on breathing, trying to calm my body and break the cycle of negative thoughts about the photos and Vanessa threatening to overpower me. The next hour was a blur, but I managed to stand up on stage with the director and my co-stars and crack a few jokes, before taking my seat to watch the film. Just before it ended, I snuck out of the darkened cinema to avoid having to interact with anyone.

My heart began to return to its usual pace as soon as I got into the car. My driver, a pleasant middle-aged man of few words, greeted me and then focused on the road. Relieved to be heading home, even if it was to the white mansion, I slumped back in my seat and let out a long breath. Part of the way home, my heart rate started up again as I remembered the London premiere. It was on Saturday. I couldn’t go through that again by myself.

Would it be a bad idea to invite Sophie? Since the set visit, things had felt a little off between us. I’d freaked myself out by nearly kissing her on the chaise lounge in the manor. I got carried away in the moment. For a second, I’d thought there really was chemistry between us, but I knew that had to be all in my head. For the rest of the set visit, it seemed like something was wrong with Sophie, but that might’ve been all in my head as well.

Since then, we’d still spent most of my free time together, but something…didn’t feel quite right. Had she worked out I had feelings for her and was withdrawing as a result?

And then last week, Sophie had casually mentioned she was going on a date. I knew I should be happy for her, but all I felt was jealousy.

But, on the other hand, having Sophie by my side would make the whole ordeal a lot more bearable. I couldn’t imagine doing that all over again without someone there for moral support.

I’d also been missing her. Before filming started, I’d got used to seeing her and Elliot nearly every day. It had been a shock to go from that to only seeing them once or twice a week, thanks to my punishing filming schedule.

Screw it. I glanced at my watch. It would be mid-morning in London. I dialed Sophie’s number.

“Hello! How’s LA?” Sophie sounded upbeat.

In the background, I could hear Elliot laughing at something. And was that Alfie yelping? A stab of homesickness hit me. While I’d only been living in London now for a few months, it felt more like a home than LA ever did. Right now, I’d do anything to be hanging out with them, rather than heading home to my deserted mansion.

“Okay.” I tried to keep it together, although part of me wanted to tell Sophie in detail about my emotional last few hours and just how much I missed her. “These publicity trips are always draining. I was asked twenty times today about my workout and diet regime to get in shape for Muscle Man and had to answer each time as if it was an excellent question I’d never heard before. How are Elliot and Alfie?” I didn't want to ask her how the date had gone in my current state of mind.

“They’re both good! Elliot started commando crawling, which Alfie isn’t too thrilled about. His tail has been yanked a few times.”

“Poor Alfie! Just wait until Elliot starts walking. He’ll be in real trouble then.”

“I think we all will! Apart from that, I’ve been pretty busy talking business strategy with Rose and Mia and helping out with the fundraiser event for Pride House. I don’t think I mentioned it to you, but they desperately need cash for repairs, so the kids are putting on a talent show, and Josh and I are going to host an auction.”

“Oh no, I’m sorry to hear that. Good on you and Josh for coming to the rescue,” I said, slightly absentmindedly as I gathered up my courage to ask Sophie to the premiere. “So…I was wondering if you’d be interested in coming to the London Muscle Man premiere with me on Saturday night? I’d love some company. I just went to the LA one alone, and it wasn’t fun. It was the first time I’ve been out in public at an event since the breakup. I was already feeling pretty overwhelmed with all the attention, and then a woman shoved a massive photo of my”—I swallowed—“my dick in my face and wanted me to sign it. Who signs photos of their own dick? I guess maybe pornstars? Needless to say, I didn’t sign it. But it kinda sent me into a tailspin.” While I’d tried to keep my voice light-hearted, I could hear it tremble slightly. Damn. I should have stuck to my initial plan to not tell Sophie what happened.

“Oh my gosh, Chris. I’m so sorry. That sounds terrible,” Sophie said sympathetically, but without responding to my invitation.

Trying to anticipate her concerns, I jumped in. “I’ll make it clear to all the press that we’re just friends—that will hopefully throw water on any more tabloid articles about us.”

“That’s fine. Look, assuming Mum or Dad are free to babysit, I’m happy to. Although I’m not sure I have anything to wear to a film premiere. What’s the dress code?” Sophie asked, apprehension in her voice.

Relief flooded over me. I wouldn’t need to go through it alone again afterall. “Why don’t I get Jenny to take you shopping? She knows the drill and is flying back tomorrow. Plus, she has a credit card for expenses that she can use.” As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I had misgivings. While I knew Jenny would leap at the opportunity to take Sophie shopping, I had some concerns about her and Sophie spending a lot of time together. Jenny seemed quite bemused by my relationship with Sophie, and I was pretty confident she suspected the feelings were more than platonic on my side.

Apart from accidentally letting Alfie loose on set—which, to be honest, was my fault for insisting he visit after the horse stampede incident—Jenny had been doing a much better job recently. I didn’t know if it was thanks to my efforts to be a better boss, the personal assistant course she’d done the other week, or if she’d just adjusted to the role. Whatever the cause, I was relieved that things were working out, and I didn’t need to fire her.