Page 136 of Spiced!

“Keep dancing,” Erik said to Tyler, whose grin widened to maniacal proportions.

“ERIK, THE WORD!”

“Is accurate word,” Erik said.

“I’LL TAKE IT,” Tyler said, and pivoted into a new section of the performance that appeared to involve his torso independently of his lower half, which was its own remarkable achievement.

Benji had his hands on the bar and was taking deep breaths. His tears were still flowing freely. “His core,” he said. “What’s his core doing?”

“Different things than his legs,” Adrian said.

“Are those supposed to go in opposite directions?” Jacks asked.

“No!” Adrian snapped.

“Could they theoretically go in opposite directions?”

“Not like that,” Adrian said. “Not at that speed.”

“And yet,” Benji said.

“And yet,” Adrian confirmed.

Tyler had located the pole that supported the corner of the bar canopy and had decided, mid-performance, that it was part of his act. He approached it with intention, made meaningful eye contact with it, and wrapped one leg around it, caressing a higher section with one hand as though milking a cow.

“Is he—?” I heard Finn stammer.

“Yeah,” Mark said flatly. “He’s going to hump that pole.”

“Poor pole,” Finn replied.

The humping lasted approximately two minutes. Jokes swirled about those two minutes being the longest Tyler had ever lasted in anything off-ice. None of this stopped his next move.

With one leg still curled affectionately around the pole, Tyler slung an arm around it in the internationally recognized move of a man about to attempt something that required training he did not have.

“Oh shit,” Skyler said, half out of his seat.

“He won’t actually—” Jacks started.

Tyler attempted to half hump, half scale the pole.

The pole remained stationary—and emotionally unmoved by the sudden pairing.

Tyler achieved approximately six inches of elevation before the laws of physics made a firm and non-negotiable point about the relationship between grip strength, momentum, and the GOAL Speedo.

Tyler returned to the floor with a catastrophic thud.

He looked up at the room.

Then he pointed at the pole.

“You and me later,” he told it.

The room lost its mind.

“HE JUST THREATENED THE POLE,” Benji shouted.

“It’s a pole. Why threaten a—?” Jacks asked, tears cutting off his question.