Page 174 of The New Place

“It’s your money too, now.”

“It’s really not.”

“Then what Mom and I are giving you is your money,” Dad says. “I don’t really get the problem here.”

“None of it is my money,” Ned says.

“So let it be,” Dad says, as if it’s as simple as that. “Is Henry saying no to sharing finances? That surprises me, honestly.”

“He—no.”

“Have you two talked about it?”

“Yes.” Ned shuts his eyes. “No. Not—not that we can agree on.”

“You gonna?”

“Look, I just can’t, okay? He’s going to offer exactly what you said, and still want to move in together, and just pay for everything. I’d be totally dependent on him and probably end up back living with Pat when he finally…”

The end of the sentence hangs in the air, unspoken. But Ned hears it all the same: when he finally leaves me.

Like Jen did. Ned packing up his life and moving out of their home, the future he thought they’d share crumbling before them as their lives fell apart.

He blinks. His eyes are stinging.

“Ned,” Dad says, his voice achingly soft.

Ned tugs his cuff over the heel of his hand and wipes his eyes. “I’m afraid he’s going to leave me,” he says, his voice thick. “And that I won’t see it coming.”

Or that Ned will see it coming, in all these issues so very clearly piling up. He can’t contribute, and Abbot’s already impatient for Ned to catch up to him. Abbot’s going to come to his senses, and when he does, Ned will be alone all over again.

“Hey,” Dad says.

“He’ll find someone better than me,” he whispers. “That was my entire life when Jen left, and then it was just gone and I didn’t have anything.”

“He’s not Jen,” Dad says.

“I can’t go through that again. I just can’t.” Ned hauls in a breath that shudders. “I want to do it right this time.” That’s what he wants so badly, to get things right with Abbot. To wait and tread carefully and take everything slow. To not make mistakes this time around. But look at them now: Their relationship is a giant knot he can’t even begin to untie.

“You are doing it right,” Dad says, “because you’re doing it with the right person.”

Ned lets out a hard breath. “I thought that the first time, too.”

“Let him help you,” Dad says.

“It’s not that simple. I can barely take care of myself, and I have Peggy, too.”

“You don’t have to take care of yourself,” Dad says. “That’s the beauty of a healthy relationship. Ned, you’ll get this when Peggy grows up, but as parents, we know we won’t be around forever. When we’re gone, we want to be sure our kids will have someone to love them and take care of them. I see you exchange rings with Henry and I know you’re going to be alright, because you have him, and he has you, too. So let the money go, okay?”

Ned tries to laugh. “The money’s kind of a big deal.”

“It’s not more important than showing up for each other,” Dad says. “That’s what keeps two people together. Not who pays for what, or who does this and who does that. You can figure that stuff out. The real thing is continually making the choice to be together. Choosing the other, again and again. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.”

“I did that with Jen, and she didn’t, and look where that ended up.”

“Did you?” Dad’s voice is gentle.

“What? Of course I did.”