Page 169 of The New Place

He doesn’t know what happens after that. Because the only choice is that Ned will have sorted out his own life and be ready to truly, finally, link theirs together.

And if he doesn’t?

Abbot spins his wineglass, feeling Claire’s and Pat’s eyes on him.

It’s fine. Abbot doesn’t have to have kids of his own. A stepdaughter is more than enough.

He pictures Ned holding Pat’s baby. Pictures holding the baby himself, a tiny little life so brand new to this wide world. And then truly, for the first time, he examines the hope he’s held and tries to envision if that never happens for him and Ned. If they never bring a baby home from the hospital, never watch tottering first steps together, never have a little family that’s theirs. If it’s him and it’s Ned, always slightly separate, living in parallel but not together.

He’ll be fine. He is fine. He has been, for a long time now.

And he has exactly what he wanted, doesn’t he? The wish to move closer to Ned—to even get to work together again, which he barely knew to hope for. And they’re married. They’re together, for good.

“Abbot,” Pat says gently. “You’re why you two got together in the first place. Don’t forget that, okay? You gave Ned the push he needed, because you wanted to be with him. And you gotta find it in yourself to keep doing that, alright?”

Do that again? That night in Pat’s bar, when Ned had so casually told Abbot he could come upstairs if he wanted to. Oh, he wanted.

“I have to respect what Ned wants too,” Abbot says. It’s a partnership, isn’t it? The two of them negotiating what they each want and what they can give?

“You two are in this together, aren’t you?” Pat asks.

“Exactly,” Abbot agrees. Because what’s the other option? Their relationship will stall? Come to an end?

The thought turns him cold.

He reaches for his jacket. Neither Claire nor Pat tells him to stay.

But outside holds no more answers than the cafe did. Is Ned another man Abbot is chasing and chasing? Or should he not have shared what he did about when his mother was sick? Damned if he said nothing, Ned’s ire at his silence growing, and damned now that he has?

Is this where he was always going to end up? Having laid himself bare to Ned, and left walking alone down this cold, snowy road?

34

NED

The dark slate of the winter sky hangs low as Ned walks into his office, and turning on the lights does little to brighten the room’s gloominess. The break room is a little better as he tucks the lunch he brought into the refrigerator. He won’t want to eat it, he already knows. A soggy sandwich when he could go get something much tastier from one of the spots near campus?

He doesn’t have a choice. He has Baxter, and Peggy, and now a crappy lunch.

He should text Abbot. That was a really shitty way to leave things last night. Instead, he pulls a mug down from the cupboard. They’ll talk. Later.

“Morning,” Steve says, cheerful as he comes in, coffee mug in hand. “What a lucky day, there’s even some coffee left. Want it?”

“I’ll make more,” Ned says as Steve pours the last inch of coffee for himself. It’s likely burnt and probably weak too.

At least the department is still stocking them with beans. Will that little pleasure run out as the semester starts to wind down? First no coffee, then no printer paper, then worrying their paychecks won’t come? That’d be a damn treat.

“I won’t say no to another cup.” Steve raises his mug in a toast. “Got my offer letter from Callahan. I ought to send Henry something for so kindly leaving at just the right time.”

“Call it even with giving us a heads up,” Ned says. “And dinner last night, thank you. The girls had a blast.”

“I’m glad that worked out,” Steve says. “What’d you guys think?”

Ned opens his mouth. Then he quickly rinses out the carafe, pouring brown-tinged water down the drain before he concentrates on filling it again. “It’s a great house.”

“Is that a polite ‘Thanks but no thanks’? It’s fine if it is, no pressure. I just wanted a chance for it to go to someone I know. Memories, and all.”

“Of course,” Ned says. The house is full of them, he’s sure. With more to come for whoever buys it, kids running up and down those stairs, snowmen built in the backyard, marks on the wall to record heights year after year.