Page 96 of The Rust in Her Hair

"Nothing to talk about. I’m right as rain." I flash her a grin. "Do you want some coffee? I can make a pot."

"Cut the shit." She gives me a look sharp enough to shave with. "Be honest. How are you really?"

I let my grin fall, not sure why she’s going full alpha on me. "Who pissed in your cornflakes?"

"Seriously?"

"What?"

"So that's the game we’re playing?" She crosses her arms, clearly annoyed, and I’m at a total loss. "You've been out here all night while your pack alpha’s inside claiming an omega," she says harshly. "One of your other mates is tied up in the garage. And you're sitting on the porch by yourself watching old ladies walk their dogs." She shakes her head. "That can't be easy, hermano. So don't 'right as rain' me. Talk to me."

I look out at the yard for a minute, trying like hell not to think too much about it. Because, yes, the way Ren says it makes it sound bad, but there’s no sense dwelling on any of it.

"I'm good, Ren," I say, and I mostly mean it. "I am. I’m enjoying some fresh air."

She pushes out a heavy sigh, then she tips her head at the house. "And why aren't you in there? With Nico and Owen? Taking care of your omega too."

"I didn't want to scare her,” I say simply, because it’s the truth. I wasn't happy when Nico first kicked me out, but now that I’ve had time to think about it, he was right to do so. "She went through something rough, and the last thing she needs is a man my size losing his head and climbing on top of her." I turn my head to the yard, feeling the cool breeze across my face. "I want to make sure she wants me too. I don’t want her to feel like she has to accept me only because she has a thing for the rest of my mates."

Renata frowns. "Why wouldn’t she want you too?"

I shrug. "I don’t know." I shift, leaning forward and putting my elbows on my knees. "The other guys have a nice, warm energy with her. I can make her laugh, but I’m not sure she wants much more."

"Okay." Then she tilts her head, and I know that look. She's about to pick a lock she's got no business touching. "But that’s not the only reason, is it?"

"Here we go."

"I'm just asking." She holds up both hands. "All I know is that you really took your time claiming Owen. Are you sure you aren’t holding yourself back with Lyra on purpose?"

I glare at the she-alpha.

"Perhaps it has more to do with not wanting to bond with her. Letting someone see all the way into that head of yours for the first time in your life has got to be scary."

I roll my eyes, trying to keep it light. I've had a lot of practice keeping it light. "I'm not that guarded, Ren."

"Mack." She says my name flat. "You are the most guarded man I have ever met."

"It’s called rugged mystery." I wink, but Renata doesn’t even smile.

"You lived with this pack almost three years before you let Owen mate you." She keeps needling me. "Three years, Mack. And I remember your face when that bond didn't take. You were relieved. The whole world is aching to find a mate they can share a mental bond with, and you looked like a man who dodged a bullet."

I wave a hand at her. "You're making something out of nothing."

"Maybe." She goes quiet for a second, and I can tell that she’s not quite done yet.

Lord give me strength.

"All I'm saying." Renata's voice goes soft, almost tender. "Kids who grow up in the system learn early to keep their distance. It's harder to lose what nobody's holding on to. And it doesn’t help the kind of life you were forced to live afterwards. That’s got to make anyone closed off."

The morning goes real quiet.

I swallow the bile in my throat, then say, "What would you know about coming up in the system?"

Renata reaches over and lays a hand flat on my shoulder, warming my skin from the cold.

"Nothing," she says gently. "I didn't mean it like that. I only mean that I love you, you big idiot. And I know your life hasn't been easy. Losing your mom so young, bouncing from foster home to foster home after, then doing whatever it took to survive." She squeezes me, lovingly. "I want you happy. That's all I’m trying to say."

I don't say anything for a bit. The sun's full up over the roofline now, warming the boards under my feet.