Page 43 of Buy Back My Love

My eyes went toward her stomach before I looked back at her. “What about your business?” I asked. “You forgetting what happens when everybody finds out you got two kids by Lee’s man?”

“Fuck that business.” Hannah didn’t hesitate. “I can make money doing something else. I’d rather stay home with my kids than keep living like this.”

“Hannah-”

“No, listen to me.” She stepped closer and stood right in front of me. “Do you know how embarrassing this shit is? I can’t post you. I can’t wear a ring. Birthdays, Christmas, family pictures, all that shit gotta stay in this house because somebody might see it and put two and two together. I can’t even tell people who my kids’ daddy is without worrying about what it’s gonna do to my business.”

I didn’t say anything because none of that was new. She had complained about it before. Just never like this. Hannah looked down for a second before meeting my eyes again. “I’m tired, Jabari. I’m ready to risk all that shit.” Her voice got quieter when she added, “Because I love you.”

I sat there looking at her, knowing she meant every word. The fucked-up part was, I loved Hannah too. It wasn’t the same kind of love I had for Lee. Me and Lee had damn near grown up together. She knew me before the money, before the trucks, before I had anything worth having. She had been part of my life since we were kids.

But Hannah had been there too. For five years, she was the woman I came home to. She gave me my son, was carrying my daughter, and somewhere along the way, what started between us had turned into more than fucking and keeping each other company while Lee was gone. I loved waking up with her. I loved coming home to her and JJ. I loved the family we had made, even if I had spent all this time making sure nobody outside this house knew it existed.

“I love you too,” I finally told her.

Hannah’s face crumbled, and she covered her mouth as she started crying again. I stood up and pulled her into me. “Come here.”

She let me hold her for a minute before she pushed against my chest and looked up at me. “Then why I gotta keep being your secret?”

“You not my secret.”

“JB, yes the fuck I am. Me and your kids are your secret. I done accepted that you love Lee. I’ve been accepting that shit for years. What I’m not accepting anymore is me and your kids having to hide so she don’t get hurt.”

I rubbed my hand over my jaw, but there wasn’t really shit I could say to that. Hannah wiped her face. “Tell her about us. Tell her about JJ. Tell her about this baby. Whatever happens after that, happens, but I’m done being your secret.”

She walked out of the bedroom before I could answer her. I stayed where I was, thinking about everything she had just said.

Hannah wasn’t asking me anymore. She hadn’t given me an actual date, but I knew what the fuck she was saying. Either I told Lee, or eventually she was gonna do it for me.

Lee

Dear Patrice,

Freedom is weird as hell because everybody in there talks about getting out like the second you walk through them gates, everything supposed to be good. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy as hell to be home. I can eat when I want, sleep when I want, take a shower without somebody rushing me, and go wherever I feel like going without asking anybody for permission. I got my own place, my own car, and my house is finally furnished and looking how I want it. I got everything I spent five years wishing I could have back, but I ain’t expect to get lonely being home sometimes.

JB stays gone driving those damn trucks, and most nights I end up here by myself. I know that probably sound crazy coming from me because I spent five years wishing I could get some peace and privacy. Now I got so much of it that sometimes I leave the TV on while I’m cleaning up or doing something around the house just so it ain’t so damn quiet. I know you probably laughing, but you’ll understand when you get your ass out.

Me and my mama been getting along too, which I know you probably wasn’t expecting after all the shit I used to tell you about her. Ever since she popped up over here one day, we’ve pretty much been together every day. We’ve been running all over Mobile getting stuff for my house. Hobby Lobby, TJ Maxx, At Home, Ross, Walmart, all them damn stores. I’ve even spent the night at her house a couple times and slept in my old bedroom. I’m twenty-nine with a whole house of my own and still went home to sleep at my mama’s house, so don’t start talking shit when you write me back. It felt good being over there with her again.

I’ve been thinking about getting back into nails too. The nail game done changed so much while I was gone. Everybody got private suites now instead of being in regular shops, and I’ve been looking into getting one of my own. I don’t know if I’m ready to jump right back into having another full shop yet, but I know I’m ready to work again. Sitting around the house waiting on JB to come home ain’t gonna work for me, and I miss doing nails. I miss having my own money coming in and something that belongs to me.

Anyway, I put some money on your books, so check and make sure it hit. Don’t spend all that shit on junk food either. I already know how you are. Write me back and let me know how everything going in there.

—Lee

I folded the letter, slipped it into an envelope, and set it on the kitchen counter. I had just finished writing Patrice’s information across the front when the doorbell rang. When I opened the door, the delivery driver was already heading back toward his truck, leaving a stack of Amazon boxes across my porch. I’d been ordering stuff for the house all week. A new bakeware set, cutting boards, power strips, a shoe rack, an air fryer, mixing bowls, and more throw pillows than I probably needed. Somehow, damn near everything I’d ordered decided to show up on the same day.

I grabbed as many boxes as I could carry and was trying to get them through the front door without dropping anything when I heard a dog bark from somewhere behind me. I knew that bark. I shifted the boxes in my arms and looked over my shoulder to find a black Jeep slowing down in front of my house with Snoop’s big head hanging out the passenger-side window. He barked again when he saw me, looking happy as hell like he hadn’t knocked me flat on my ass the first time we met.

“Hey, boy,” I called.

The Jeep stopped at the curb, and the passenger window came down the rest of the way. Van leaned over enough to see around Snoop, then looked from the boxes in my arms to the rest still sitting on the porch.

“Thought that was you.” He smiled. “What, you moving in all over again?”

“No.” I laughed as the top box started slipping and caught it against my chest. “Apparently I blacked out and ordered everything I had sitting in my cart at once.”

“You need some help?”