Page 45 of Hooked On A California Kingpin

“I watched our father take my gun and shoot our uncle in the head. He didn’t want Abuela to know that I didn’t complete the mission that she sent me on. Then he went to the back of the house and killed our aunt, while she was sleeping. I took pictures and sent them over to Abuela from our uncle’s phone so she could know the mission was complete.”

Sovereign was hysterical, the wild look in her eyes showed that she was having a hard time processing everything.

“Why the fuck did I go along with what Papa told me to do after I felt like he betrayed us too? I don’t fucking know! He gave me his number and disappeared out the back door. After the mission was complete, I paid a visit to Abuela.” I watched my sister take a seat on the tile floor and fold her legs until she was sitting Indian style. She rocked back and forth, her eyes connected with mine, I wished I could get up and hold her.

“That old ass vindictive bitch, smiled in my face and poured us up glasses of the finest champagne in Mexico and toasted to new money and power.” She pointed at her purse, and I reached to the side of me and grabbed it. Making sure it was closed, I tossed it her way. She opened it up and pulled out a blunt along with a lighter.

After sparking her blunt, she inhaled deeply then exhaled.

“I disappeared for a while; I can’t trust none of y’all. So, I disappeared to sort my thoughts. While I was away…. I realized that my heart became colder, that shit is frozen.” She pulled her gun out of her purse and stood up from the floor. I stopped breathing momentarily to gauge what was going on.

“I can look deep into those troubled eyes, Empress…. There’s more to you but I wouldn’t know because you a flaw ass bitch. Selfish and dirty like our Abuela and father.”

I shivered as she caressed my cheek with the tip of her gun.

“I want to kill you Empress, I can’t because I love you. I raised you… I thought I did a good job at doing that but it’s obvious that it’s something I failed at.”

My bottom lip started to tremble, and I could no longer hold back or hide the fear that was lodged inside of me. Sovereign had a wild look in her eyes. The bags that sat underneath her eyes were heavy like she did a lot of crying and worrying.

“I never meant to hurt you, Sovereign.” My voice cracked.

“You did hurt me.” She snickered and then wiped her nose. “I ain’t no weak ass bitch, hurt becomes numb after so long you know?” She turned her gun to the butt and cocked it back like she was about to crush my face in. Something was holding her back as I clenched the sheet tightly in my shaking hands.

“Fuck!!!!” I jumped at her elevated tone of voice. Her shoulders dropped first, followed by her bowing her head. She turned away from me and it felt like I could breathe again.

I watched her walk to retrieve her expensive purse. She placed the gun back inside and then turned to walk towards the door.

“Papa is waiting for you, outside of this door. Since he’s in hiding, I guess you should go hide with him. Don’t let me ever see your face again Empress. Don’t reach out to me. I’m cutting ties with you. I’m gonna prove to you, Papa, and Abuela that I’m far from a weak ass bitch. You have twenty-four hours to get your ass far away from me.” Her hand touched the door as I called her name to stop her.

I thought of all the things that I had done behind her back. I wanted to confess but I knew if I did that it would force her to take that gun back out and blow my head off. I almost had the courage, but staring at my conflicted sister, I dropped my eyes and simpered lowly.

“I love you, and I’m sorry.” It felt like someone was dragging a knife down the middle of my heart.

“I love you too, Empress, love ain’t enough. I tried to give you this time to admit to all the shit you have done. Even with my ex Melvin the nigga you knew that I once loved, yet you still opened up your legs and fucked him. You helped him kidnap Princess and mourned the lost with me. I love you but I hate you just as much bitch. You ain’t shit but a low barrel dirty ass bitch. One day you gon’ hate yourself more then I even hate you. I cried so much silently over the years behind yo dog ass. Your betrayal I put to the back of my mind because you’re my blood sister. You know me better then anybody walking this earth, so I don’t see how you thought you was getting away with some shit bitch. This was your opportunity to revive yourself, but you failed with that. Fuck you...” She walked out, closing the door softly. I wailed like a baby until I felt dizzy. I deserved everything that was happening. I thought of Murk’um and cried even harder.

I thought back to all the times my sister gave me dirty looks and it was because she knew all this time. She was waiting for me to admit my wrongs. She was willing to forgive me, and I just ruined that.

“Princessa.” My Papa and I locked eyes. His face mirrored mine, I started to sob even harder. Happy to see him alive and standing. His salt and pepper goatee was neatly trimmed, his hair was short and curly with flecks of white hair scattered throughout his head.

“What all have you done?” He grabbed the folding chair that sat in far-right corner of the room and pulled it close to the side of my hospital bed. Grabbing my hand brought comfort to me, that I didn’t know I needed. I took a deep breath and let the reality of my dad being well and alive hit me first. I started from the beginning telling him all the things Sovereign and I endured and what led up to me sleeping with Melvin, behind Sovereign’s back.

We cried and held hands tight when I went into deeper detail of Sovereign. A lot of times my sister thought I wasn’t aware or didn’t see the bruises and her lying in bed crying at night. Some nights she would fall asleep in the bathtub, crying herself to sleep. I remember the sound of her young voice sounding frantic as she would mumble things to herself while soaking.

Back then, Sovereign treated me like a delicate flower. She made sure she watered me, no matter the dark thick cloud that followed her around. Sovereign wanted me to bloom into something great and I miserably failed at that. Deep down, Sovereign knew that keeping me alive would be torturous enough. I had to live my life far away from her and that would be a hard task. I would be left to think about my actions and fucked up ways with no chance of her forgiving me.

“You messed up, Princessa. Not as bad as me, I became so depressed and overwhelmed by the murder of your mother.” He stopped talking as I watched him swallow down hard. “I have no excuse, Princessa. Your mother was my soul mate, I should have let her live her life and raise you guys with me in Mexico. I should have held up to my end of the deal with you guys Abuela. I just loved Sovereignty too much to marry a strange woman that I didn’t see myself being with. I thought my mother would understand this, I never expected her to send Melvin Sr. to assassinate your mother.” He didn’t bother wiping the tear that fell down his round face.

“Sovereign sacrificed for Abuela, and now I feel as if she is in danger. She married into the cartel, there is no backing out. Where does Abuela think you’re at?” I really wanted to know because now my head was starting to spin. I betrayed my sister for a man that really did have something to do with my mother’s death. It didn’t have to be Melvin that pulled the trigger on my mother. His father was close enough.

I should have never helped Melvin escape; he would’ve been better off dead at the hands of Sovereign.

“Miguella, thinks I’m in Cuba. After she put the hit out on Sovereignty, she forced me to stay away from you two and to never be seen again. She had no clue of me sneaking in and out of Mexico, staying with your uncle. I only kept sneaking back and forth in hopes to run into Sovereign. It’s so much to it Princessa, I will tell you more, but we have to leave now while we both are under the radar. We will figure everything out in due time. Right now, we really have to go.” He looked at me with pleading eyes.

Growing up, I never saw the fear that I was seeing now from my father. It disgusted me, because no matter how mad Sovereign was with me, I didn’t want to leave her to figure all of this out. She was a pawn to my Abuela, and I wouldn’t be able to live if something happened to her.

“Princessa, I know, I have been a coward. Leaving the two of you as young girls. Just trust me, even if it’s momentarily. When the time is right, I will kill Miguella and make sure my daughter is okay. Right now, Sovereign is not going to bend when it comes to forgiveness. We have to play the background.”

My father was right about that. Sovereign was in a different mental space. I saw it in her eyes, the confliction and the pain. I said a silent prayer as my father helped me stand. I just prayed that God could let Sovereign see that I was very sorry and was ready to now do right by her. My gut was telling me though, that it was too late. I knew already that things would never be the same.