Page 60 of Love You Like This

“By all means.” Darren tosses his arm over the back of his bench seat and scowls at his screen as if it could travel through the internet to the people he’s communicating with. He glances up as Tobias walks past, and the anger etched into his face temporarily eases while the guys go back into their little traveling studio they put on the bus.

The three of us settle into our work while the band works on new songs in the back. Occasionally their laughter and music carries up to us, and the three of us share a smile. Eventually Hazel finishes whatever she was doing and closes her laptop before walking to the back of the bus.

“They’re so cute,” I say without looking up from my work.

“Sickening, really,” Darren says.

Movement from the back of the bus catches my eye, and when I look up, I find Xander coming right at me. He gives me a shit-eating grin. The dimple that is my perpetual undoing on full display. I made the mistake of lavishing it with kisses and praise when we were younger, so he knows full well the effect it has on me.

He slides arm behind me as he plops down on the seat. “You’ve been avoiding me, Freckles.”

“No. I’ve been busy.” I shift my weight toward the window. “Not everything revolves around you.”

“Not everything.” He leans over putting his lips close to my ear. “But there was a time you did,” he whispers.

Darren looks back and forth between us. “I can’t handle whatever you two are going to start right now.” He slides off the bench and carries his laptop back to his bunk.

“Happy? You chased him off when he’s trying to do you guys a favor.” I tilt my body away from Xander’s warmth.

“He’ll be fine.” Xander shifts his body away, giving me a little room. “I won’t be if I don’t find out why you haven’t been around the past week.”

“Because I have a life outside of you and the band. I was able to do everything from home.”

“So it doesn’t have anything to do with you waking up clinging to me?”

I scoff. “Of course not.”

“Right.” He runs his thumb along his bottom lip.

My eyes follow the motion. At one point I had the shape of those lips memorized. I know how they felt against mine, how they tasted. I can’t help but wonder if it’d be the same now, if I gave in and let myself feel just once.

Maybe it’d be terrible. What if I had romanticized what we had because I was young? There’s a chance he’s actually a terrible kisser or awful in bed. I just didn’t have much experience to reference it against. Because I’ve definitely been with my fair share of disappointing men. Would giving him one last chance in my bed finally free me from his spell?

I push those thoughts from my mind. Even allowing the thought to pass through my mind is a terrible idea. I press my thighs together and cross my legs at the ankle, annoyed that even thinking about him in that way has warmth building in my core.

“Do you have ants in your pants or something?”

“No. I’m just being crowded against the wall by an overgrown asshole.”

He makes a humming noise in the back of his throat. “I don’t think that’s it. You’re all squirmy.” His voice carries a heat I haven’t heard in a long time. He wraps a tendril of my hair around his finger. “It makes me think of all the times I had you squirming before.”

The rasp in his voice sends shivers racing along my skin. Thank fuck I decided to wear leggings and a crewneck on the bus. I hate how easily he can affect me. His words. A single heated glance, and my body responds like no time has passed. Like he didn’t shatter me to pieces.

The tension breaks when Tobias walks in and swings open the fridge to grab a snack. He pulls out an energy drink and candy bar before dropping onto the bench across from us. “What’s up?”

I could reach across the table and kiss him. The three of us fall into light conversation. Xander gives me a bit more space at the table, but when he presses the outside of his thigh against mine, I don’t pull away. Just to prove to myself I’m not affected.

Twenty-Three

XANDER

Present

After sound check I hang back and sit down at the piano. Most of the time it’s Stone who plays it during our acoustic portion of the concert, but I like to keep myself fresh on the instrument, too. Not to mention it gives me a chance to shut the world out and just play. I don’t have to think about anything other than the music, and it’s just for me.

My fingers move in memory over the keys, taking me back years ago to playing this song for Jade. I noticed she used to hum the song a lot while she was studying. In my mind it became our song. Even though the stage crew is still milling about and finishing up, I can’t hold back from singing the lyrics.

As I play the final note, I feel her watching from the wings. I turn to see her holding up her phone in one hand and wiping tears with her other. I scoot sideways on the bench and motion for her to come over. She takes a step forward, sliding the phone into her pocket, but hesitates. My heart beats violently against the cage of my chest, like it could grow wings and fly to her.