Page 48 of Love You Like This

Oh, I’m so aware of that. It’s why in the early years of working for the band, I wouldn’t go into the green room after concerts. I also avoided afterparties with them like the plague.

“I’ve noticed you’re only smoking weed now.” I look at him from the corner of my eyes. “Is it just because of wanting to help Stone with his sobriety?”

“Partly. It’s time I stopped partying so hard, though. But I’m worried about Tobias.”

“Why?” I stop and let my toes dig into the sand. I’ve had my own concerns, too, but this is the first I’m hearing anyone else verbalize theirs.

“I found a needle in his room a couple weeks ago.” He runs a hand through his hair. “When I asked him about it, he said I was overreacting and projecting onto him. Doing a line of coke here or there is one thing, injecting heroin is another.”

“Do you know that’s what it was for?”

“No. He kicked me out. Told me to mind my own fucking business.” Tension pinches the corners of his eyes. “We almost lost Stone. I can’t go through that again.”

“I’ll keep a closer eye on him. He found me in the hall after Hazel’s last signing and let me have a moment in his room. I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary.”

“A moment?” He reaches up and tucks a wayward strand of my hair behind my ear. “After you ran out of Stone’s suite like your ass was on fire?”

I slap his hand away and scowl. “I didn’t run anywhere.”

A sad smile lifts his lips, but he doesn’t push me further. It’s a relief.

We keep walking, letting our conversation drift away. I’m not sure how far we’ve gone when he stops to look over the water. The moon shines her soft, silvery light around us. The waves lap gently at our feet.

A small part of my chest loosens. There’s something about being with him under a full moon on the beach that feels so right it nearly aches. I’m sure it’s just the familiarity of the moments we’ve shared like this previously.

I sneak a glance in his direction only to find him looking down at me. He’s not wearing a mask of indifference. The emotion and vulnerability in his eyes nearly take me out at the knees. I freeze as he lifts a hand to my cheek. My brain is screaming for me to run, but my heart has abandoned logic, she’s now fully on board with the rest of my body.

He doesn’t bend to bring his mouth to mine though. Instead, his fingers sink into my hair while his thumb strokes my cheek. “I still love you like this.”

It’d be so easy to give in, to let this moment carry us back on a wave of nostalgia. The combination of Xander and the ocean at night have always felt like home to me. I could sink into his embrace, let him make me forget the pain from all those years ago. Just as I’m about to let go and give in, a seagull lets out a loud squawk as it dives down onto the beach.

I feel his hand flex and hesitate before he drops it from my face. Saved by the seagull, I guess. He takes a step back, and the cool, night air rushes in around me, instantly erasing the warmth from his body. I’m not delusional enough to admit to myself that I miss the loss of it.

“We should probably go back before the tide comes in.”

The walk back is silent. Not the easy silence we used to be able to slip into but a heavy one, full of words unspoken. By the time we’re back in his house, exhaustion overtakes me, and I yawn.

“I need to use the bathroom, and then I’ll drive you home,” he says before disappearing into his room.

“Okay.” I sit down on his couch to wait, and before I know it, my eyes are heavy and drifting shut. The overstuffed cushions are too comfortable to fight off sleep.

Nineteen

XANDER

Present

The keys jingle in my hand as I walk back into the living room. Just as I start to ask Jade if she’s ready to go, I stop dead in my tracks. She’s fallen asleep on my couch. Her head is on the armrest in a position that looks incredibly uncomfortable. She’s tucked her legs up, so her toes are pushed between the cushions.

I cross the room quietly and sit down on the coffee table in front of her. Her lashes fan over the delicate skin beneath her eyes while her eyes move back and forth beneath her eyelids. I can’t help but wonder what she’s dreaming about.

A lock of her beautiful, red hair has escaped her messy bun and rests across her cheek. Before I can stop myself, I run my finger under it and push it back behind her ear. She doesn’t wake at the touch.

If she still sleeps like she used to, she’s out for the night. I carried her to bed from the couch so many times that summer, where we were either watching movies or she passed out reading while I played video games. My heart thuds faster in my chest at the memories that assault me while I sit here watching her sleep.

Nothing has ever felt more right than having her in this space. So relaxed she’s fallen asleep. My eyes sting with longing. I want it to be this way forever.

I have a few options here. I can wake her up and take her home. That is probably the option she’d prefer. But I hate it, so it’s out.