Page 76 of Smoke and Glitter

"Autumn."

"I wanted him to prove me wrong."

The words are out before I can make them sound better.

Summer doesn't try to.

"I asked him what we were. I told him what I wanted. I asked if he wanted me."

"What did he say?"

"He couldn't do it."

Summer looks down at the table.

"I'm sorry, babe."

I nod because if I try to answer that immediately, I'm not sure what comes out.

"He didn't know everything," I say finally.

"What do you mean?"

"I never told him about London the first time."

Her eyes come back to mine.

"I turned it down."

"You turned this down?"

"The original offer."

"Because of Sam?"

"Partly."

Summer sits back.

"He never knew. I made that decision without telling him I was making it. I didn't ask what we were doing for months either."

Summer studies me. "You should've told him sooner."

I press my lips together. She's right.

Her hand closes around mine. "He still should've answered when you finally asked."

I stare down at my coffee. "You're irritating when you're reasonable."

"It's one of my better qualities."

"I love him, Summer." I stare down at our joined hands. "I'm also furious with him."

She tears another piece from the pastry. "You should be. I love Sam, but what the fuck was that?"

"I still want him."

Summer's fingers tighten around mine. "Yeah, babe. I know what that's like."