Page 59 of Smoke and Glitter

"Look at me."

He turns.

"Is that really what you think this is?"

His face tightens. "That's not what I'm saying."

"It sounds exactly like what you're saying."

"Autumn, I'm trying to tell you what we have doesn't have to be a bad thing."

My chest caves in a little.

He thinks he's making it better.

That's the worst part.

"You don't have to promise me forever."

"I'm not saying..."

"You don't have to." My voice comes out smaller than I want it to. "I know what you're saying."

He takes a step toward me.

My heart jumps before I can stop it.

One step is all it takes for some stupid hopeful part of me to flare back to life. Maybe this is when he finally comes to me.

He stops.

I look at the space between us.

"I just needed you to choose me."

His jaw loosens, like the words reached somewhere he wasn't guarding fast enough. I don't know if I've ever said anything more honest in my life.

"I needed you to tell me I wasn't imagining this. I needed one thing that was mine alone. One thing you trusted me with because I'm me."

My throat closes.

"And I gave you every possible way to do it."

"Autumn..."

"Do you want this?"

This time there is nowhere for either of us to hide behind labels or explanations.

Me.

"Do you want me, and not just physically. Do you want to be with me?"

His eyes close for half a second.

When they open again, I know before he speaks.

"I can't do that."