Page 142 of Smoke and Glitter

The silence between us stretches, but neither of us rushes to fill it. Sam looks toward the path while I put my gloves back on, taking more care with the fingers than necessary.

Eventually I ask, "So what happens now?"

His mouth tightens slightly. "I don't think another apology is going to help."

"I believed the one you gave me."

"And you still left."

"Yes."

He nods. "Then I have to do something besides apologize."

I wait.

"I can tell you I'm going to speak before you have to drag things out of me. I can tell you I'll ask what you want instead of deciding you're fine with whatever I'm willing to give." He rubs one palm over his thigh. "But telling you any of that once doesn't make it true."

My eyes stay on him.

"You asked me for one thing at Vibes that was yours," he says.

I remember.

"Something that made you know you weren't standing in the same place as everybody else."

My throat tightens.

"When you walk into Vibes, I come to you."

I study his face. "I don't need you dropping everything every time I walk into a room."

"That's not what I'm saying."

"Then say what you are saying."

Sam glances down briefly before answering. "I stop making you live on what happens when nobody else can see us. I stop being one person with you upstairs and another person when we're downstairs."

That one finds the exact bruise.

His voice quiets. "I can tell you what I intend to do differently. Then I have to do it enough times that you don't have to wonder whether it was just something I said because I was scared of losing you."

He pauses.

"You'd be right not to trust me yet."

I look away. That hurts more than a promise would have. A promise I could inspect. Analyze. Decide whether the wording was strong enough. This gives me nothing to evaluate except what he does next.

"I don't have an answer for you today."

"I wasn't expecting one."

When I look back, disappointment is there. He isn't hiding it particularly well, but he isn't handing it to me to manage either.

"I want one eventually," he says.

A laugh escapes before I can stop it.

Sam's brows lift. "What?"