Page 180 of Made Better Together

“The party was great,” Grace says. “Don’t put Mom’s behavior on yourself.”

Landon places his fork down, peering at her, then returning his gaze to me. “Grace’s right. But that doesn’t mean we…we aren’t concerned about what you said.”

Rawley swallows the bite he’s eating and looks at Landon. “Just be direct with him; don’t dance around it.” He turns to me. “They think that something happened with Mom when you were seventeen. Because of what you said to her.”

“Okay,” I respond as noncommittally as I can get.

“I told them, there’s no way I wouldn’t know if it had. You tell me everything,” Rawley continues.

My heart sinks. It means a lot that he’s defending me, but unfortunately he’s wrong.

Meanwhile, Grace looks at him guiltily. There’s one secret she knows about that we’ve both kept from him: my relationship with Eden.

Of course, she only kept quiet because I asked. What a fucking mess I’ve created.

“If that’s true, why did you mention the whole seventeen thing?” Landon asks.

He’s not going to stop asking questions until he’s satisfied. I need to give him something.

“It was…rough when I was home alone with her for my junior and senior years of high school. But I’m fine.”

His eyes narrow. “Define ‘rough,’ Connor.”

“She was…particularly toxic.”

“More than normal?” Rawley says sarcastically, with a half-hearted chuckle.

“Yes.” The bitterness in my voice is pungent. My siblings’ concerned looks ratchet up.

“Wait, really?” Rawley says in a whisper. I nod.

“Con…do you want to talk about it?” Grace asks.

I shake my head. “Not really.”

“Can you at least give an example?” Landon’s voice is pained.

I stay quiet. I…really don’t want to tell them. It pushes against every defense I’ve built up.

But another voice speaks louder.

Maybe it’s a side benefit of the EMDR, the traumatic feelings diminished. Maybe it’s just growing up.

Or maybe it’s because Eden’s helped me open up and trust people I care about.

You can tell them. They love you. Mom can’t hurt them anymore either. They’d want to know. A mirror to some of Eden’s past reassurances, too.

And thanks to the EMDR sessions, I can access my overall memories without reliving my pain.

Grace is the one who pushes my internal struggle over the top. “You seem to think we can’t handle your truth. But we can, Con.”

I take a deep breath. “You sure you want to hear this?”

Landon and Rawley say “yes” in tandem, while Grace nods.

“Well, she…” I decide to start with the behavior most familiar to them. “She fixated on me, since I was the only one around. You know how we’d crack jokes about the things she said, or go hang out somewhere else in the house together?” They nod. “I couldn’t do that when it was just me. I mean, I tried, but she’d walk right into my bedroom.”

Rawley leans back in his chair. “That…would suck.”