Page 31 of Grief & Glitter

“It was.” I didn’t take it back. I didn’t want to. “For a long time, it was the only thing I had. Then I started letting other people in. Walker, the guys, Finn, and the art sessions.” I paused to give myself time to find the right words. “Hockey still matters. I want to play. But if being seen with the person I’m dating is enough to destroy my career, then keeping you hidden wouldn’t save anything worth having.”

Ryan stared at me.

“Was that too much?” I asked.

“No.” His voice came out rough. “It was exactly enough.”

He looked away, blinking hard, and I gave him the time he needed. Somewhere in the room, plates knocked together. This was the least romantic place to spill my feelings all over Ryan, but he seemed to be going with it, and I was ready for him to know it all.

“What if we try to be together, and I’m too selfish in what I want, and you hate it?”

“I won’t.”

“Sometimes I’m more me than other times. I don’t know how else to explain it.”

“You don’t have to explain it.”

“But what if the Ryan who turns up isn’t the one everyone expects? What if I wear a dress? What if…”

“I’m not taking everyone else to the fundraiser.” His gaze lifted to mine. “I’m taking every part of you that you want to bring.” His breath caught. I wanted to cradle his face in my hands and kiss him right there. The urge caught me hard enough that I almost did it. I didn’t. Not yet. “Wear whatever makes you feel good,” I said. “I’m proud that you’re my date, Ryan. I want to be seen with you.”

His expression softened. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“And if it causes trouble?”

“Then we deal with it together.”

“You make that sound easy.”

“It probably won’t be.”

“No,” he agreed.

“But I’ll still be there.”

For a moment, he didn’t say anything. Then his smile appeared properly, warm and bright enough to loosen something inside my chest.

“I like you, Gids.”

“I like you too. And I like you in my sweatshirt.”

He glanced down at himself. “This old thing?”

“That’s mine.”

“Finders keepers.”

“I gave it to you because you were cold.”

“And now I’m warm.” He beamed up at me. “So, it’s a win-win.”

I caught one of the sleeves hanging over his hand and rubbed the soft material between my fingers.

“It looks better on you anyway.”

Ryan’s smile gentled. “Yeah?”