Page 83 of Never the Same

Her hands rested on my shoulders, and when I looked up, the sight of her loosened something inside me. Every instinct begged me to bury my face between her legs, to taste her until she was shaking on my tongue.

I dropped the loofah, resting my hands on her outer thighs, breathing hard as I battled with the desperate urge to make her come.

Her fingernails bit into my shoulders, a plea to do exactly that.

But if I started . . . I knew where that would lead.

I groaned, hating myself, my past—all of it—and forced myself to stand.

“I’m sorry,” I mouthed.

“It’s okay.” She lightly nodded. So understanding. So perfect, and she had no idea just how broken and fucked up I used to be.

What if I still am?

She pressed her lips to mine, and that was all it took for me to forget again. Forget the darkness and the pain.

The water poured over us, and she melted into me. There was an achy need in her touch as she raced her hands over my body, arching into me.

I couldn’t handle it, not without snapping. I caught her wrists in one hand and swiftly brought her hands up over her head.

God help me, dominance only seemed to turn her on even more. Her back hit the wall as I kept her arms in the prison of my embrace.

She rolled her shoulders back, breathless, her tits starved for my attention as she breathed heavily.

“Are you allowed to touch me?” she cried out.

“I am touching you,” I growled, unable to take my eyes off her, wanting to take in every part of her from head to toe.

She wiggled her hips, bucking forward. “I’m trying to behave, I’m sorry. It’s just hard.” She squeezed her eyes shut, tilting her head to the ceiling, and I loosened my grip on her wrists but didn’t let go.

“Can’t control your tongue or your hands, hmm?” I asked, my voice rough as lust violently stormed through me, and I continued to fight back with everything I had in me.

“Trying to b-be good for you,” she sputtered. “Whatever you want, I’ll do it. Want me to behave? I will. We can’t have sex, I—I respect that. But if you want to push your fingers inside me and give me the first orgasm I’ll remember—”

“Fuuuuck.” I cut her off when her green eyes landed on mine, and she annihilated whatever was left of my self-control. I let go of her wrists and grabbed hold of her ass cheeks, guiding her to use my body however she wanted or needed to get off as I kissed her.

I convinced myself this was okay. That as long as I didn’t have sex with her, this wouldn’t screw me up in the head. I wouldn’t have to start over again. No new reset point. I dragged my mouth around to her ear as she whimpered and moaned, her hands flying across my chest, nails scratching me as she searched for relief by rubbing against my jeans.

No, this isn’t right. She deserved better than this, even if it’d destroy me. “I’m going to give you my hand, okay?” I pulled back to search for her eyes.

“But if that’s going to cause you—”

“You’re going to ride my hand, okay? I’m going to”—I swallowed—“put my hand between your legs, and you’re going to get off. You need relief. To feel better.”

“You’re sure?” She was still grinding against my jeans, a hand tangling my hair, the other clawing at my back.

Yeah, this woman needed some tension relief, that was for damn sure. I wouldn’t be walking away from her until she had it, either. I back seated my issues, removed my head from the past, and anchored myself to the moment.

My fingers feathered over her clit, and something inside me snapped.

My hand went around her throat, gently holding her steady as I kissed along her jaw, devouring her mouth again.

So much for just letting her use my hand. I was going to make her come with it. Dictate the movements. Each stroke. The amount of pressure.

I gave her everything I was physically able to with my touch. And if she wanted the universe? I’d find a way to get that for her, too.

She shuddered hard against my hand, orgasming.