Page 59 of Fall Over You

There’s the chance that this tantrum could end and Ellie will be fine. But I can’t have any sort of good time knowing Ellie’s here, or at Papaw’s, potentially losing her mind.

Ellie relies on me. Only me.

Ellie starts to calm in Becca’s arms. I want to pull Becca away for a minute to talk about this, but I don’t think Ellie will tolerate me being away from her for even a minute.

“I’m sorry,” I mouth.

Becca winces. “I can try Darcy or Maggie? What if Darcy or Maggie came to be with you here?”

Ellie sits, considering that. I wait for the next meltdown, but it doesn’t come. We might be getting somewhere.

“Would you want Darcy or Maggie to stay with you tonight, shug?”

Ellie sniffles. “Okay.”

Becca’s eyebrows shoot up and she pulls her phone out of her purse. “I’ll call Maggie now and see if she can come by. Why don’t you go sit with your daddy?”

Ellie transfers back to my lap on the floor and Becca steps onto the porch to call Maggie. She walks back in with an apologetic face.

“Maggie can do tomorrow, but not tonight.”

I nod. “That’s still really nice of her. Did you tell her yes?”

“Yeah. Figured we have to do it sometime.”

I feel terrible. We need to show off our relationship, but I think Becca’s holding part of her feelings back. She wants it to be on line dancing night, because that’s when people will expect her there and when a lot of people will see her. She’d never say it, but she does crave approval and attention. I know this is important to her.

“Stay in?” Becca offers.

I grimace. “You could go alone and talk about how great I am?”

She chuckles. “That won’t seem weird at all. If y’all are staying in, I am too. Miss Ellie, what do you think about helping me put my chickens to bed and then we’ll check on our cabbages in our jammies? Maybe we can send Daddy to the store to get some chocolate chip cookie ingredients.”

I raise a brow at her. “Do we not have any? Didn’t you already do the chores?”

Becca winks at me over Ellie’s head and mouths “practice.”

“Okay,” Ellie agrees.

“Alright. Let’s go get our jammies on and you can help me with all the night chores.”

Ellie gets out of Becca’s lap and rushes for the stairs while Becca hangs back with me in the kitchen. Her voice is low and she leans in close. “Practice having you leave at night. Then maybe she’ll do better tomorrow night when Maggie comes. You don’t have to go all the way to the store. Just out the road a bit. Show her you’ll come back.”

I nibble my thumbnail. “What if she melts down again?”

She shrugs. “Then I’ll call you to come back. We’ll at least have tried.” Becca reaches for my bicep and gives it a squeeze. “This is a lot for her. And it’s a lot for you. How are you?”

My throat feels tight. When was the last time someone asked me that and meant it?

I never expected Becca to be this helpful and willing to do the hard stuff. The really hard stuff. I’ve spent so long just sucking it up and going it alone that it feels alien to have help. Sure, Mom and Dad help, but only as much as I’m comfortable letting them. The help Becca’s offering is the help I actually need, not just the help that she wants to give.

Even though I’m still rattled, I can answer her honestly. “I’m good. Thank you.”

By the time I leave, Becca and Ellie are stomping off toward the coop, flashlights in hand. Becca still has her nice hair and makeup, but she’s wearing maybe the sloppiest pajamas I’ve ever seen, the bottoms of which are stuffed down into her cowboy boots. The sight has my stomach in knots. Not only is it heart-meltingly cute, but I’m reminded of younger days with Becca, times when she was the wild thing sprinting off to make her little potions of moss and leafy bits and creek water in old Coke bottles.

My eyes feel hot thinking she might give that kind of magic to Ellie. Everything is moving so fast with this arrangement that I almost can’t breathe. Before Becca’s truck broke down, before Ellie’s field trip, my life was a steady, predictable grind. I don’t know whether I want that reliability back or whether I want to throw it all away and dive headfirst into the madness.

The sight in front of me makes me want to do the latter.