Page 55 of Fall Over You

She cocks her head back and waves her hand. “Oh. I thought you were going to say something weird like join a mime society. Wait till I tell Jake. He’s always trying to recruit people for his teams.”

My throat tightens, because it hasn’t hit me this hard yet. My life might really be about to go through a massive change. I’ve gotten so used to doing everything alone, to not asking for help, and now I might have things like free time? “Yeah. Cool. That’d be fun. As long as it’s not too much time away from Ellie.”

“I’m pretty sure there’re other dads on the team. Anyway, can I help you finish anything out here? We should both get to bed.”

I glance at the wall I put up tonight. “Nah. I was just getting cleaned up. I won’t keep you. But,” my words feel strained, “thanks.”

“Hydration is important,” she says, hopping down from her perch.

“No, um. I mean, yeah, thanks, but,” shit, being earnest with her is extremely scary, “for coming out to talk. It’s nice catching up with you.”

Becca’s grin is tired but effortless, as always. “Likewise.”

“Let’s make time for you to show me your flowers.”

Her face goes serious. “Is that code for something?”

I chuckle. “No, you pervert.”

She laughs. “And you’ll have to do a home run derby for me.” She lingers in the doorway, flipping on her headlamp. “Night, Ty.”

“Night, Reba.”

The house is dark except the few lights Becca leaves on for nighttime navigation. I’m worn out, but I can’t stop replaying everything that happened today.

Someone else put Ellie to bed.

That same someone else may soon be my wife.

My maybe soon-to-be wife came around just to shoot the shit? Even after I was a dick just twenty-four hours ago?

How is this even real?

I peek into Ellie’s room to find her spooning T-Bone. All is well there. I hesitate outside Becca’s door, where a sliver of light shines at the bottom. She might still be awake. My hand curls into a fist as I consider knocking, but I catch a whiff of myself and think better of it.

A shower will cure this confusion. It has to.

I spent years demonizing Becca, and for what? She’s obviously not the boogieman I made her out to be. She’s kinder than I deserve, and definitely out of my league in the looks department. But despite it all, she keeps showing up. She’s putting in the work. And I couldn’t even do her the courtesy of one kiss?

I spent years wanting her and not doing anything about it. First, it was because Dusty asked me to look after her. Then, it was because I dated her best friend.

Now, neither of those things are relevant. The thing holding me back today is fear. Stupid fear that I’ll get left again, or that I’ll get stuck in a cycle of caring for an adult and a child.

I can draw up any number of traumatizing memories to remind me why I shouldn’t get involved emotionally, but I’m tired of it. I’ve wasted too many years doing that.

Becca isn’t CJ, and it’s unfair of me to compare them. Part of me has always wanted Becca and it’s time to do something about it.

I’m still scared. Fucking terrified. But I owe it to Becca to do it anyway.

I owe it to myself too.

I open the shower curtain to see my reflection in the foggy mirror, giving myself a silent pep talk.

You’re going to go kiss Becca Martin.

TWENTY-TWO

BECCA