Page 37 of Rubbing One Out

Ben blinked once, then twice. The other aardvark looked over at him and Ben’s skin prickled. What the fuck? Was the animal watching him?

“I see him there, Daisy. He looks harmless enough, like. Ignore him, he’ll go away when he gets bored. They all do.”

Both animals regarded him and Ben hitched a breath. He was close to hyperventilating and was sure he was losing his mind. Were the aardvarks speaking, and talking about him?

“Come on, Madge. Let’s go inside,” he heard next as both animals turned and ambled towards the burrow.

Ben knew he’d be looking at a stay in a nice white room if anyone found out about what he did next, but he had to know. “Are you talking about me?” he managed to get out finally.

The aardvarks turned around. “Do you see anyone else around here?” the deep-voiced one said grumpily. “We may be old, but we aren’t crazy.”

“Oh God,” Ben said faintly. “They are talking. The aardvarks are talking.” He turned and stumbled back down the path towards Dae. “Dae, the animals are freaking me out. They’re talking about me. That’s impossible, isn’t it?”

Dae was still lounging against the lamppost and smirked. “You’re asking a Fae turned Djinn if animals can talk. Don’t you know nothing is impossible? Magic, remember?”

“You used magic on me?” Ben shrieked. “Why would you freak me out like that?”

Dae laughed loudly, the pealing sound echoing around the empty zoo. “I thought you deserved a reward for that fabulous sex session earlier, so I cast a little spell to allow you to hear the animals talk. You know, like that film we watched the other night only this time,” he paused dramatically, “it’s Doctor Daelittle.” He giggled at his joke as Ben stared at him blankly.

“I thought I was insane, damn it. Next time tell me you’re going to do your witchy thing and give a man a little warning.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Dae countered as he flounced down the path towards the exit. “A man’s job is to keep an air of mystery about him. And honey, do I have a lot of mystery inside me.”

Ben followed his lover’s slim figure, muttering beneath his breath. “Damned crazy person. He doesn’t care if I end up in the funny farm or wearing stripes when I go to jail.”

“I heard that,” a voice boomed out of the zebra enclosure. “What’s wrong with stripes?”

Ben didn’t stick around to have another conversation.

He’d had enough for one night.