Page 37 of Doubting Hearts

He disappeared out the doorway. I stared after him, aghast. I’d never seen him in such a strop. I made to go after him.

Tammy stopped me. “Rain, when he gets like this it’s best to leave him alone. He has a real mean streak, and he’s bloody stubborn.” I nodded. She knew him better than I did.

Why is that starting to bother me so much?

“Do you know what the story is with this Webber guy?”

She shook her head, looking puzzled. “No, he’s never mentioned it before. I didn’t know they had a history.”

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “I’ll give him a while to cool down, then go talk to him. He has some bug up his arse, that’s for sure.”

Tammy nodded quietly. “Rain, he’s right. About it not being the first time this has happened to him. Growing up in foster care, he had a pretty rough time. He got beaten up regularly, and Toby just doesn’t know when to back down. You’ve seen that. I can’t tell you the number of times he ended up in hospital or licking his wounds because he has this need to stand up for himself. And the last home he was in, well, you know what happened there.” Her voice went quiet.

I looked at her, my heart heavy. “No, I don’t, actually. He’s never mentioned it.” I thought I had secrets, but Toby took the cake.

She looked wary. “Well, then I’m not going to tell you about it. It’s for him to do that.”

“Christ, do I even know this man at all?” I heard the frustration in my voice.

Tammy reached out and patted my face. “You’ve only known him three months. I’ve lived with him for almost four years and probably had more drunken nights out with him than you have.” She smiled slightly. “It’s amazing what you can get out of Toby when he drinks tequila.”

I hadn’t even known that. He’d never drunk tequila with me.

Lucas moved over to Tammy and reached out, drawing her into his arms. She snuggled in, looking at him in sheer adoration.

I needed to get out of there before all this loving activity made me feel even worse. I went to look for Toby, and found him sitting out in the garden, on a bench under the trees. He was leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. His face was white, and he looked haunted. I sat down beside him and kept quiet, watching the people milling about the garden, sitting on the lawns and enjoying the August sunshine. He was still, his body tense. I waited.

Finally, he shifted and looked around at me. “I wish people would let me decide what’s best for me. I’m not a bloody kid anymore.”

“We worry about you, Toby.” I leaned back against the bench and stretched my legs out in front of me. “You can’t fault us for doing that.”

“I’ve been on my own since I was fifteen, Rain. I’ve done things you probably wouldn’t even think I was capable of. I can look after myself.” His voice was even, but there was a hint of something in there, something that sounded so defeated I wanted to pull him into my arms and hug him tightly. But that wouldn’t have been a good idea. His body language screamed “Don’t touch me.” It was very unnerving and so unlike Toby.

“So you keep telling me,” I remarked. “So, tell me what happened with you and this Webber guy.”

He waved dismissively. “It’s an old story. We had a bit of a falling out, and we ended up pretty averse to each other.”

“I gathered that already. I meant tell me the story, not the result.”

He huffed impatiently. “Christ, you can be such a nag.” He was quiet. Once again I waited. Finally, he spoke. “Before I came to work here, I was at a hotel in Lincoln. My boss was a guy called Landon Murphy. He was a bloody awful man, a real bully, and an absolute pig to everyone. And he had a thing for me. His desire wasn’t returned, I can promise you. Plus, he was married and so in the closet he should have lived there. I’d already decided to leave when it happened.”

“What happened?” I watched his face, saw the discomfort in his eyes. “One night I was working late in the kitchen, doing a stock take. He

came on to me, groping and trying to get my pants open. I didn’t like it.

He got physical, I got physical, and I bashed him with a copper-bottomed saucepan and shattered his collarbone. It was self-defense, but he made it out to look as if I’d come on to him, and when he’d rejected me, I’d got abusive. No one believed the story that it had been the other way around.” He huffed in anger. “The man was a paragon of virtue in his community, even to the point of going to church every Sunday. And it didn’t help that Davey Webber was one of his mates and, at that time, the sergeant at the police station in Lincoln who was called out to the scene.” He stopped, his hands clenching and unclenching.

I listened to him with a sense of helplessness, unable to kiss this one better.

“I was taken down to the police station and spent the night in there before being bailed the next morning. Webber did everything he could to make my life a misery while I was in that cell. He didn’t like my ‘lifestyle choices.’” He snorted bitterly. “Luckily I had a good lawyer who believed me and wouldn’t let go. Finally, all the charges were dropped. I think Landon was worried that undue focus on him might open a can of worms about his sexuality, so he was happy to cooperate. The man bloody smirked when everyone told him what a prince he was to let the poor fag boy off.” He snorted. “I was fired, and that was when I came here. Simon knew about it, but he still took me in. He’d heard the stories about Landon as well. He believed me….” His voice faltered when he mentioned Simon. I felt a slight ache in my chest. He looked at me stonily. “There. Now you know.”

“And now Davey Webber is sergeant here in Stamford.” I nodded, understanding his reluctance to go to the police.

“Yes. He’ll have no sympathy, and I have no desire for everything that happened in Lincoln to follow me here. As long as I keep my nose clean, he doesn’t bother me.” His tone was flat.

“Toby, what happened at the house you left when you were fifteen?” I hadn’t meant to bring this up now, but my mouth ran away with me. I wasn’t prepared for the look of pain that crossed his face as he leapt to his feet in agitation.

“Has Tammy been blabbing her mouth off again? Christ, I should never have told her any of that story. That’ll be the last time I get drunk with her around.” He looked at me stony-faced. “Rain, that’s in the past. I don’t dwell on it. I try and move forward. You don’t make it easier wanting to know all the shit that happened to me. So just give it a rest, please.”

He stormed off toward the open lounge doors, and I watched him go. I felt drained. The morning had started with a blowjob and ended with a blowup. I stood up to go back to the Canterbury. I needed to let him cool down and get over whatever it was that was making him so upset.