Page 10 of Sight Unseen

Jon scoffed. “Nate, you’ll never be the same. You’re disabled now, we both know that. Now, in the kitchen I’ve organized stuff a bit differently so you can get easy access.”

His voice moved away in the direction of the kitchen.

I didn’t hear much more as he droned on about the condiments and the mugs and the placement of the tea and coffee. All I’d heard were the words that I was now classified as disabled in Jon’s eyes.

He believed that I was less Nate than I’d been before. The very thing Marty had tried to tell me I wasn’t had been blithely confirmed by my boyfriend.

Well, fuck him and the horse he rode in on. I might be feeling sorry for myself, but I’m not always going to be this way.

I wasn’t disabled. Challenged, yes, but still the same person I’d been before, only without vision. I had no intention of letting the loss of sight take away the rest of my life.

Jon came back into the family room, his voice getting louder as he moved closer. “So what do you think?”

I nodded, biting back what I really wanted to say. “It all sounds great. You’ve given this some thought. Thank you.”

The weary man in me told me to let it go. Battles took time to win and I didn’t have the strength right now to be a warrior. I’d tried that once before and it had ended badly. Maybe tomorrow I’d take up the sword and argue, but in this instance, I wanted to lie down and absorb the fact I was home at last.

Spots danced before my eyes and I blinked. When I’d first seen them, I’d gotten excited, thinking it was my vision trying to come back. The doctor had told me that wasn’t the case. It was simply my mind processing that it couldn’t form pictures anymore.

The seat next to me sagged as Jon sat and took my hand in his. “I know this is all a lot to take in, but we’ll be fine once we get you settled.” He sounded as if he was trying to convince himself. Fingers brushed through my hair, which had grown longer during my hospital stay. “Do you want to take a shower or anything?”

I shook my head. “Maybe in a minute.” I reached out and pulled Jon toward me, wanting nothing more than some physical contact. It had been so long.

His body stiffened under my hands, his breath hitched and I frowned.

“What’s wrong? Do I smell or something?”

Jon shifted beside me. “No, well, maybe a little sweaty but that’s all. I think perhaps a shower might make you feel a bit more refreshed. Then I can see about ordering us some takeout for lunch.” He stood, and after a minute or so I heard the drawer open. Probably the one where we kept the fast food menus. “Do you feel like some Thai? Chicken Pad Thai maybe?”

Relying on the new things I’d learned, such as listening to voices, the timbre, inflection and emotions, I realized Jon was skittish about something.

Maybe my blindness turns him off.

My throat clenched at that thought. I needed some space to rest and think. I struggled to my feet, standing up straight and holding my hands out tentatively. “Fine, I’ll shower. Can you point me in the right direction?”

“Oh don’t be silly,” Jon spluttered. He took hold of my elbow. “I’ll take you there.”

“No, it’s okay.” I shrugged his hand off gently. “I need to do this on my own. Just tell me there’s nothing in my way and I’ll get there. I remember the layout of our home. It hasn’t been that long.”

Jon sighed. “Fine.” He turned me gently. “There, face that way. From here, it’s about five steps to the door to the hallway, then turn left down the next hallway to the bedroom on the right. The bathroom—”

“I remember where the master bathroom is,” I said tightly. My nerves pinged with tension, and I gravitated in the direction Jon turned me. My legs were longer than Jon’s so I wasn’t surprised when after only four steps I was gripping the door frame and moving into the tiled hallway.

I placed my right hand on the wall and started walking, lightly dragging my hand across the smooth surface. No sooner had I begun than my hand hit something that fell to the floor with a crash. I jumped, pressing back against the wall.

“What the hell was that?”

Jon’s footsteps echoed behind me as he approached. “You knocked one of the canvas pictures off the wall. I haven’t moved them because, well, I didn’t think they’d be a problem. I guess I’ll need to do that now.” He didn’t sound particularly pleased about it. “You’re lucky they weren’t the glass ones.”

“Oh, sorry, I’ll try to avoid them.” I moved down the hall, my temper flaring. Hello, blind guy here. What the fuck did you expect?

Behind me, Jon sighed and I heard the sound of the hall closet opening and shutting. I guessed the picture had been relegated to dim confines.

I made it to the bedroom, pushed open the door and went inside, congratulating myself when I realized I was in the right place. I may know our home, but not being able to see anything was disconcerting, to say the least.

I bumped my knee against the bed, but managed to navigate to the en-suite bathroom on the other side of the room. With a sigh of relief, I pushed the door open.

Cool air brushed my skin, causing goose pimples to rise. The room smelled of aftershave, soap and the hair gel Jon used. The scent of smoke was prevalent in here too. I tried to push that unwelcome thought out of my head. If Caleb had been here, he’d probably used the toilet at some time, not fucked my boyfriend in the shower.