Page 14 of The Fall I Fell

‘But Mum isn’t here any more, Dad,’ Mum says gently. Then, with a bit more firmness, she adds, ‘And you’re not as young as you once were either. The twins and I will help as much as we can now we’re back, but these boys know farming, they’re strong, and they’re hard workers.’ Mum moves around to take Grandad by the hand. ‘Let us help you, eh?’ Callum nods, as though they’d planned all of this together.

As much as I want to agree, as much as I want to give Grandad everything I can, I can’t help but sense fashion school slipping even further away. How will I have time to study my A-level independently if I spend all of my time knee deep in sheep shit? How will I find the strength to leave him for university after he’s depended on me for so long? Why does it feel like choosing between my family and my dream?

Sliding my phone out from under the table, I refresh my emails, anxiously waiting for one in particular to appear. Still nothing. I suppose fashion school won’t be an issue if I don’t actually get accepted onto my course.

Grandad pauses for a moment, his eyes glassy, his frame looking even more diminished than it did only moments ago. He harrumphs. ‘None of you get to drive Betty, okay?’

‘I ain’t fighting you on that one.’ Jacob chuckles lowly and Grandad rolls his eyes.

‘Alright Pip, crack out the chocolate biccies on the top shelf. These boys need to get their strength up before I put them to work.’ Mum sighs in relief, a smile crossing her face as she does exactly as she’s told.

Chapter 8

Seven years ago

‘Kitty? You’re home!’ Those were Jacob’s first words when I saw him for a surprise visit in the autumn. The first thing I did when our car pulled into the driveway was climb up the branch to the treehouse.

The leaves of the willow formed a carpet around the roots and a few strays were strewn across the floor of the treehouse. They were yellowed and dry and they crunched with each of my steps towards Jacob. There was an October chill in the air, but he was the only thing that stayed the same no matter the season. He hadn’t even dug out his long trousers yet – his knees were still braving the elements, and he didn’t look the slightest bit cold in his t-shirt. The sun hung low on the horizon this time of year, casting the trees and livestock in shadow as they grazed on the last of the harvest, fattening up for winter.

‘Mum and Dad thought we needed to get away from London for a bit, Dad finally got some time off work, so we’ve come back for half-term,’ I said, settling in beside him as he slid away his favourite atlas.

‘You’re here all week?’ he asked with wide eyes. I nodded, grinning. ‘I have so much to show you!’

Without wasting another minute, he leaped down from the treehouse, not bothering to climb down carefully like everyone else. No matter how much of a rush he was in, however, he always made sure to stop to give me a hand down the steepest part of the branch.

‘How’s Hope?’ I asked. We’d been raising that barn cat for a couple of years and watched her grow from tiny kitten to a fully-fledged adult that could catch birds bigger than her. I knew Jacob took good care of her when I was back in London.

‘Proper chubby now. She eats more of my dinner than I do.’ He shook his head, taking a slight detour to the Hope Farm kitchen for him to scoop up the camera that he’d got for his eleventh birthday, ‘We can go and see her after I’ve shown you this.’

I followed him blindly into the small grove just to the east of Hope Farm. Hopping over streams and fallen branches, it almost felt like night with the trees so dense. Even without their leaves, the sun couldn’t quite reach us, though the cloudy day might have helped with that too. Jacob pressed a finger to his lips to shush me, but I was too excited. I couldn’t stop myself from breathing heavily, and the crisp leaves under our feet didn’t help our sneaking either.

‘Just through there,’ he mouthed, pointing to the base of an old oak that was all gnarled and twisted with age. I mean, it was a lovely tree, but unless it could speak or grant wishes, I couldn’t see why he would have brought me here. I looked to him with furrowed brows, but he just pointed to the tree again without a word.

After a few more moments of silence, some of the fallen leaves began to twitch, and from a hole in the ground, a little black and white nose emerged. I gasped, but before I could scare it away, Jacob pressed a hand to my mouth, silencing me with an amused glint in his eyes.

We watched on as the badger sniffed through the blanket of leaves that had fallen around its set, nudging them around with its nose as though sweeping the porch. Jacob finally drew his hand away from my face as we both settled onto the ground. We laid on our bellies as we observed the creature from a distance. Minutes passed as we watched it go about its business, before the leaves twitched again. This time, three more badgers emerged from the set.

‘Oh my gosh.’ I couldn’t help but breathe, and thankfully the family didn’t seem to notice. Jacob did, however, and he smiled to himself.

‘I’ve been watching them for a couple of weeks,’ he whispered so quietly that I had to shuffle even closer to him to hear. One side of my body was pressed against his, and the autumn breeze didn’t feel so icy after that.

‘Did you know?’ he asked. ‘Badgers can eat up to two hundred worms every night.’

‘Gross,’ I said, shivering at the thought of anything eating those faceless things.

‘Are you cold? Come here.’ He threw an arm over my back and dragged me even further into him.

‘Thanks.’ I couldn’t look at him to thank him, nor could I tell him that I was only shivering from disgust. But I was too comfortable and the idea of him moving away would be tragic.

Looking back now, I know that was my crush beginning to bloom, but eleven-year-old Ava didn’t have a clue. I’d always felt warm and at home next to Jacob; I had just assumed that everyone felt the same way in his presence. But it was coming to a point that even my toes began to tingle at the slightest contact with him. I remember the way it felt for him to call me Kitty, to single me out from the rest. That’s the memory that would keep me going right through until the next summer, fizzling with anticipation, and longing to be back with him again.

‘The two smaller ones are their babies,’ he continued and I had to try my hardest to concentrate on his words. ‘They would have been born at the start of the year, but they’re blind when they’re born so they don’t come out of the set for a few months. They’re almost mature now, so sometimes they’ll leave and start their own families, but often they stay together. They like the company.’

I could listen to him talk for hours. Sometimes, I did just sit and let him talk, especially when he had so much to say about whatever obscure new animal he’d learned about. It was funny – when we were around the others, he barely had one word to say. Sian told Granny that he’s shy, and Will said he’s mardy. But I’d realised that Jacob only spoke to people that actually wanted to hear him. Will, Lizzie, Alfie and Callum didn’t really care to listen. They just wanted to be running around, or fighting.

‘I bet you’re top of your class at school, aren’t you?’ I asked. ‘You’re the cleverest boy I know.’ I hadn’t been watching the badgers for a while. I liked to see how his face changed as he talked about the animals. It’s like he was reading straight out of an encyclopaedia in his head. I noticed he had a new scar above his eyebrow.

At the mention of school, however, his expression shifted and he sat up, holding his knees to his chest. He looked down to the forest floor. ‘My teacher doesn’t like me much.’