Page 78 of Ghosted

“And fuck was it fun,” he says. “Next time you look at his pictures, try not to remember how pretty you sounded breaking for me, pretty thing.”

Then he leaves.

The door shuts behind him with a quiet click.

And this time, I don’t hate the sound.

I’m afraid of how much I want it to open again.

7

JAGGER

WRAITH UNLEASHED

Ismell chlorine before I smell blood.

That’s new.

Usually, by the time I get to the warehouse, the stink of old sweat, beer, and rust wipes everything else clean. It crawls into your lungs and stays there, thick enough to taste.

Tonight, it’s all still here. The crowd. The cage. The wet concrete. The money changing hands in tight fists.

But under it, stuck somewhere behind my teeth, is chlorine.

Swim practice was at five this morning as usual. And as usual, Coach mumbled while half of us looked like corpses with goggles. The pool was cold enough to piss me off before I even hit the fucking water, and I spent an hour cutting through lanes while my body tried to figure out why the fuck I hadn’t slept.

Kick. Pull. Breathe.

Turn.

Kick. Pull. Breathe.

Turn.

Again and again until my shoulders burned and my lungs felt scraped out.

Usually, the water helps. It shuts everything up. Keeps my head clean. Makes the world simple for a while. There’s no crowd underwater. No brother. No pretty little obsession with a camera and too much curiosity for her own survival.

This morning, it didn’t work.

Every time I turned my head to breathe, I heard her.

Alice.

That soft fucking gasp against rain-wet stone. My name slipping out of her soft swollen lips like she hated giving it to me and still couldn’t fucking keep it in. Her breath hitching when she ran. The little sound she made when the knife kissed her perfect skin.

I should feel bad about that.

But I don’t.

That’s the thing nobody tells you about wanting something you shouldn’t have. Guilt shows up late, if it ever shows up at all.

Mostly, there’s just the need.

The replay.

The ugly little loop your brain keeps feeding itself because once wasn’t enough and pretending otherwise is a waste of fucking time.