Page 62 of Shipwrecked

“Jules is on concussion watch.”

“You told me yesterday that you weren’t going to sleep with him. Yesterday, Cillian.” He’s speaking low enough that Jules and Mathieu, turned in already, won’t be able to hear him.

It feels like someone else made the promise. I wonder if Seán would have anything to say about what I was doing with Mathieu a few hours ago.

“I said I wasn’t going to sleep with him and piss him off,” I correct. He’s currently pissed off at me, but not because we slept together. I’m not sure how Mathieu earned Jules’s forgiveness. He’s been glued to Mathieu all evening, and Mathieu’s been lapping up the attention with naked delight.

I need to apologise.

“Cillian.”

Seán’s asking the way his dad does it, softly, without anger or judgement. Yesterday I would have agreed. Yesterday I did agree. But that was before I’d kissed Jules. Or held him quiet while he came. If I have to sleep in the next lean-to over, knowing that Jules and Mathieu are making out and getting each other off, I’ll go crazy. But that isn’t all of it. Most nights when I wake up, I reach around myself, check Mathieu and Jules are there, and then I can go back to sleep.

“I think it can work,” I say, “without anyone getting pissed off.”

“Cillian.”

I shouldn’t be giving any kickback. I should listen, go lie down in a different lean-to, and put the two of them out of my mind. But I don’t want to. I haven’t ever felt strongly enough about anyone to prioritise what I want with them over Seán.

“You’re straight.”

I pick up a stick and prod the fire. “Growing up, being straight was more convenient. Anything that would make me stand out in that place was to be avoided at all costs.”

Seán’s hand tightens into a fist.

“Not that I realised I could be attracted to men. It hadn’t occurred to me to even look. I’m attracted to personality,” I say. “Always have been.” If a woman is assertive, outgoing and doing things, then she’ll catch my attention. It isn’t a stretch to realise I’m attracted to those qualities in men, too.

“You don’t think it’s the situation? The proximity?”

“I wasn’t marooned in the club.”

Seán fidgets. “I don’t want to stand in the way of this discovery—because I’m fine with you being bi. I like to think I’m not like your parents—”

“I would have swum to that other island if you were.”

“Fair. But Jules and Mathieu have something going on. You’d be butting in as an awkward third wheel if you go into that lean-to.”

I glance up. Whatever Seán reads in my face has him burying his in his hand with a groan. “Cillian.”

“Pretty sure we found earplugs. Check the med kit.”

Seán throws the entire thing at my head. I catch it with a laugh and set it back under the tarp next to our other precious supplies. The only thing not there is the jerrycan, which is stashed even further back, away from the fire. I ruffle Seán’s hair as I pass, and he groans again, as if in pain. “I’m never introducing you to my friends ever again.”

“I’ve already met the best ones.”

It occurs to me as I approach the lean-to that I might be turned away, and Seán will get to laugh at me. I kneel on the edge of the bedding—we have a layer of couch pillows now, and compared to the fibre bedding of the week before, it feels like a feather bed. The firelight illuminates Mathieu and Jules facing each other, curled up and cosy. I stare at them.

They stir when I sit on the end of the bedding. Mathieu, with Jules tucked into his throat, sends me an unmistakably smug look. He predicts the grovelling about to ensue and is clearly ready to enjoy it.

As opposed to earlier, when I got the upper hand, Mathieu now has all the power. He can help, or he can hinder. I’m sure he knows it. I’m wary he’s going to use his advantage to get me back for making him yield earlier.

“Jules.”

Jules doesn’t respond. I clear my throat. “Jules.”

Mathieu’s eyes sparkle. “Try not whispering.”

Jules makes a “hm” sound, stirring against Mathieu’s neck. I watch as drowsy kisses are pressed against Mathieu’s throat. “Did you say something?” Jules mumbles, voice thick with sleep.