Page 94 of Will to Run

I watch him as he’s thrown into a police car, all the while yelling something up to the point they slam the door. Alan leans back and says something to his partner, but there’s no trace of humor or smile. Not that someone getting arrested is funny, but there’s no levity between them. It makes me even more concerned for what happened in her apartment.

They drive away, and before I can jump out, Everest and Lanie come down. I knew something was happening between them under all the fighting. Her face is fiery, and he picks her up to put her in his car. First, he leans over to examine her, then I watch my brother wrap her up in his arms, and she melts into him. It was telling enough that he jumped up like his ass was on fire, but now this? My how those tables have turned.

“What do you have to say about that one, Case?” I say. It comes out jerkier than I intend. “Think she’s out here to steal our ranch, too?”

“I admitted my fuck-up. I respect that you’re angry with me, and I’ll own it for as long as I need to. It doesn’t mean much, I get it, but I have started talking to someone to work through some things that might need working through.”

It feels like the air is sucked from the car, and I turn to my brother who is staring out the front window avoiding my eyes. For someone who has never once admitted he’s even struggling a little or shown any sign of overwhelm, that’s a fucking leap into foreign territory for him.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah,” he shifts uncomfortably in his seat. “After that day in your house, and during this whole thing between you and Della, you’ve said some hard truths. They were things I didn’t want to hear, but I’m trying to make some changes. Or at least start down a path where I can make some changes.”

“I… I’m not sure what to say, Cayson. I’m happy you’re taking some time to find some help. Your shit is heavy. What Abby did and is doing to you is the fucking worst, and I hate her for life. You know I wouldn’t change having Mazie and Lukey for the world either. It was unfair of me to bring your kids into the argument we had. It’s been weighing on me, and I apologize for that.”

He just nods.

“I miss you,” I follow up with, and he turns to me. “And not because of the last month. Well, not just that. But I miss our bullshit, shenanigans, and ball-busting. I know things are different for you as a dad, and you’re a great fucking dad, but there are pieces of you that have disappeared that have nothing to do with your dad status.”

He continues to nod.

“Today isn’t about me,” he responds. “But I do miss how things that, too. I’m trying to take steps to get that piece of me back. You know, I tried talking to her too… twice. She told me she’d stab me in the chest with a pitchfork.”

We both chuckle because yeah, she did.

“I’m so fucking sorry for doubting you, Jax. On the steps, you asked me why I didn’t trust you and why I didn't give you the benefit of the doubt. That I didn’t give my best friend the benefit of the doubt. Fuck, that hurt me so deeply because you’re right. I can’t imagine how you feel. I will do whatever I can to help make things right. I’m a work in progress.”

I nod my head back at him. His apology is genuine, and even though I told him hours ago I wasn’t sure when I wouldn’t be angry anymore, this admission and plan turn that dial down a little bit. Not all of it. But I don’t want to pick a fight. I’ve been missing my brother for a while.

“That dad bod of yours is a work in progress,” I joke. Maybe picking a little fight will bring some levity to a moment I know is hard for him.

“I can bench and squat more than you, jackass,” he deadpans.

That makes us both laugh. It’s the first full laugh we’ve had together in a long time.

“You’ve heard my plan, what’s yours?” he says, turning the conversation serious again.

“For what? For now? Everest was right when he left the ranch. She doesn’t like me, and she could use some space. The threat is gone.”

“We don’t know that. I mean, he’s gone for now, but we don’t know when he’ll be released.”

I look at my watch. It’s five o’clock. I’m not exactly sure how the process works, but I hope she goes to my sister’s or Molly’s.

Although Hazel is mad at both Cayson and me, she is angriest with me for saying the things that I did, so I have my brother text her to see what the plan is.

Cayson

I heard about what happened. We have cabins available if Della needs a place to stay.

Hazel

She’d rather sleep on a bench on Millstone nude with a newspaper blanket.

Cayson

Just wanted to let you know the option is out there.

Hazel