Page 106 of Will to Run

“Jax, what are you doing?” I shake my head.

“Della. Since you got to town, you haven’t been out of my thoughts. But this last month has been on my terms. It’s been me thinking about how to get you back and keep you here. But I realized that you’re not mine to win. God, none of this has transpired how I imagined it would, including someone like you walking into my life and turning it so upside down.” His hand runs down his face. “Since you mentioned that you were thinking of leaving Amberheart, I’ve concluded that I can’t fight you. But that doesn’t mean I won’t follow you wherever you end up.”

His hand reaches up to trace down my cheek, and I can’t help but lean into his touch.

“Remember what I said that day in the truck?” he continues. “You get to rise like the mother-fucking sun that you are… wherever, and whenever you want to, Del. I’ll just tag along for the ride.”

I feel my nose tingle with impending tears. Because the truth is, no, I don’t want to go. Since the day he scared me at the sliding glass door, and even before then, he’s quietly rebuilding his place in my heart. I can’t say exactly when it happened, but these days, I miss everything about him.

“You can’t buy my presence, Jaxon,” I say, wondering if that’s why he spent so much.

“I would never. The art I purchased today serves two purposes. It reminds me of that first morning I had with you. The one where I couldn’t keep my eyes to myself and had butterflies in my stomach. Me. Jaxon Wills. The man who used to enjoy the thrill of different women. Now, I’m just chasing the thrill I get when you smile at me. But that morning, you were all bundled up in my jacket with your hands around the coffee mug and your breath unfurling in the air… I didn’t even bother watching the sunrise because it couldn’t compare to how beautiful you were. And believe me, I fought with myself every minute I stared because I knew that I shouldn’t be looking at you like that. But I couldn’t help it. And I will never forget it, Della. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that marked a shift in my life. Because now that I’ve experienced that feeling, I’ll never be the same.”

His hand travels to the back of my neck, creeping into the base of my hair, pulling it ever so slightly before dropping it.

“But if you do go, and let’s be clear, I don’t want you to, this will give you a bit of a head start to pursue something. Amberheart was supposed to help you get your feet under you, and on one hand, I’d like to think we gave that to you. But then I went and pulled the rug out, too. I want you to do what you want, be that painting or going back to PT school, or God, whatever you can cook up. But before that decision is made, I’d like to note that you sold a ton of paintings tonight. Although I’m not saying you should do one thing or the other, you’re talented in ways that most people can’t compete with. You hadn’t picked up a paintbrush in five years and then busted out a gallery’s worth of perfection. That’s something special. Plus, you have to know that Hazel and Molly shared their plan to hire you as a resident painter, and I am completely on board with it. But I digress. I bought Loves Morning Light because it represents everything you became to me. It’s magic, wonder, and a visual representation of how you live in my head. You’re the glow that exists on the edge of my thoughts and spills into my mind.”

There are things I want to say, but before I get them out, he continues.

“Della,” he closes his eyes and takes a breath before opening them. “I miss you so fucking much. If you give me another chance, I promise to be everything you need me to be, whether that be here in Amberheart Valley or wherever you end up. I will figure it out to be with you.”

I stare at this man’s eyes after the confession he gives me. My conviction to leave was stronger even two weeks ago, but my soul craves to stay in this tiny western town with the people I have come to love.

With him.

“I don’t want to leave, Jaxon,” I quietly admit.

“Then stay,” he whispers. “Please.”

“And I miss you so much it hurts,” I follow up with.

“Then don’t miss me anymore,” he drifts close again and grabs my hand, interlacing our fingers. “If you open the door for this… if there’s still a place for me in you… You’ll never have the chance to miss me again, because I’m never letting you go.”

52

JAXON

When she says she doesn’t want to leave and that she misses me, everything stops. I’ve been feeling the shift back to our base since I ended up outside her door, but this verifies that I’m not just seeing and hearing what I want to.

“Then don’t miss me anymore,” I can’t stop myself from grabbing her hand. “If you open the door for this… if there’s still a place for me in you… You’ll never have the chance to miss me again, because I’m never letting you go,” I confess and beg in the same breath.

She has no reason to believe in me, but it doesn’t stop me from laying my heart and soul out anyway.

Her eyes bounce between mine as if she’s trying to find the doubt, but there is none. I don’t know what the hell has happened over the last few months, but somewhere along the way, my seventy-two-hour layover guest redefined the exceptions for my life. Talk about a mindfuck. And if she thinks I’m lying about following her, she’s got another thing coming. I will go to the ends of the earth to be with this woman.

I’m too scared to say anything else, and let the silence hang between us.

“Your words hurt me, Jax. I felt so cheap,” she says it so matter-of-factly, as a single tear cuts down her cheek.

“With every piece of me, I promise to never compromise what we have in any way, ever again.”

“It’s going to take time to fully trust you. Even if you give me a daily paint color.”

“I will prove myself every single day, Della,” I assure her. “I will never hurt you again.” Her hand is still in mine, and I take every minute that goes by as a good sign.

“So does this mean we’re dating or something?” she chuckles as she wipes a tear, referencing our prior conversation.

“I’d wife your ass up right now if I could.” Her face drops in shock as my hand goes over my mouth. “I mean, not really. I was just trying to be funny. I’m not asking you to marry me or anything. Not now. Maybe. I mean, I would if you said okay. Holy shit, Della. Let’s just forget I said that.”