Page 55 of Master of Himself

Dear Miss Elizabeth,

Please forgive the impropriety of this missive, but I find

Dear Miss Elizabeth,

You may perhaps wonder why I would risk writing

Dear Miss Elizabeth,

Please excuse this subterfuge, but my feelings must not be repressed

Dear Miss Elizabeth,

You must allow me to tell you how much I love and admire

Each unsuccessful attempt made its way into the fire. As he watched the last one burn, he despaired that she would never know the full depth of his feelings. He might be forever trapped in this alternate reality, forbidden from pursuing the only woman he had ever loved.

But how could he find his way back to his true self by sitting here day after day, and night after night? Lamenting his sad fate wouldn’t bring him any closer to finding a solution. He had to persevere, not just for his own sake and Georgiana’s, but also for Elizabeth. However, as long as he inhabited another man’s body, his fondest desires could never be realised. No, unless he took decisive action, tested every possible solution and pursued every avenue, he would remain forever adrift in this sea of uncertainty.

***

Sunday 24 November

When Charles entered the breakfast parlour with Darcy, Caroline wasted no time in voicing her complaints.

“My goodness, Charles. I understand that you’ve gone out in the rain again. When did you become so nonsensical? You might have caught a chill.”

Although Charles was mortified by his sister’s audacity, Darcy paid her little heed. “I’m fine, Caroline, and have no need of a nursemaid.”

“But to bring in so much mud for the servants to clean up. You have no more sense than a scrubby schoolboy,” Caroline said with a haughty air.

“You are free to make a fool of yourself whenever you choose, Charles, but must you drag Henry with you?” Louisa inquired.

“I am well able to speak for myself, thank you, and I enjoyed myself immensely,” Henry said, smiling broadly.

“If you must know, it was Henry’s idea,” Charles said, rising to his own defence.

Gasping, Louisa glared at her husband. “Henry, how could you?”

Henry blandly waved her off. “Don’t make a fuss, Louisa. We were only having a lark.”

Caroline sniffed in disdain. “Indeed, and while you are enjoying yourselves in the mud, poor Mr Winters, Mr Henderson, and Mr Hobbs are left to deal with the mess.”

“My valet is well paid for his services, I assure you,” Darcy said with an air of finality.

Despite his guilt for causing extra work for the servants, Charles echoed this sentiment. Caroline pressed her lips together and said no more on the subject.

Although Charles welcomed the rain, he wondered if the turbulent storm would prevent him from dancing with Jane on Tuesday. “Do you suppose the assembly will go on as scheduled?”

Caroline stared at him in wonderment. “You can’t be thinking of attending, Mr Darcy.”

“Of course, I will,” he said, glancing at Darcy who owed him this penance.

“Weather permitting, we will all attend and we shall all dance,” Darcy said in a decisive tone, quite unlike Charles’s usual manner.

However, since this concession was exactly what Charles had demanded, he nodded to acknowledge Darcy’s deference to him. This left him to wonder why he hadn’t taken a similar tactic with his sisters, especially since becoming master of Netherfield. Shouldn’t he have asserted his authority long before now? He resolved to do so in the future, when he became Charles again – if he ever became Charles again.

“Bound to work this time. The tempest has returned,” Henry had said earlier that night.