Page 91 of On the Breakaway

I laugh loudly this time. Luckily, Liam and Sloane are too busy bitching at each other about the video game to notice.

Me: Is that what it’ll take for you to get over yourself?

Chaos: Yes.

Me: How deep do I have to go with this?

Chaos: Depths of hell.

Avery is the only person I know who would turn vulnerability into a hostage negotiation.

I stare at the screen because the easy answer would be some stupid confession. Something harmless and embarrassing that keeps this conversation surface-level. I’m sure that’s what she expects me to do.

Instead, I type the truth.

Me: Up until six months ago, I jumped from one long-term, meaningless relationship to another because I was trying to recreate what my parents have.

As soon as I hit send, I regret it. Sure, it’s the truth, but I’ve also never said it to anyone before. It feels too honest.

Chaos: And you finally realized it doesn’t exist?

I should’ve known she’d respond with the usual cynicism she wraps around herself like armor.

Me: No, it does. But I realized I was forcing myself into these relationships because I liked the idea of building a life with someone more than I actually liked being with them.

I fidget in my seat, nerves making me jittery now that I’ve said what I’ve been thinking for months.

Chaos: So, do you just not like to be alone?

I glance around the room at Wyatt and Nathan watching a game on the laptop, while Sloane steals popcorn from Wesley, and Liam threatens twelve-year-olds through the gaming headset.

My life has always looked like this. Loud. Crowded.

Me: Who likes to be alone?

Her response takes a while.

Chaos: Being alone is easier.

The thought of her really believing that leaves an ache in me as I picture her alone in her apartment.

Me: It might be easier, but it’s also lonelier.

Chaos: So you’re saying my choices are to be lonely or suffer?

I grin despite myself.

Me: Exactly. Now, will you stop avoiding me?

Chaos: I wasn’t avoiding you.

I shake my head, tongue running across the front of my teeth.

Me: Whatever you say.

“Take my spot.” Liam tosses his controller onto my lap, hopping off the couch. He wiggles his eyebrows. “Shelby asked if I was busy.”

“And you said yes,” Nathan says.