Page 123 of On the Breakaway

“What?” I move to the couch, sitting next to him.

“Do you think that’s what I’d do?”

“No. I don’t think that at all.” The answer comes without thought, because for all the reasons I’m terrified of whatever this thing between us is becoming, that isn’t one of them.

“So you just don’t like me enough?” He asks.

I sigh, frustrated at my pathetic ability to explain myself.

“That’s not it either. But Grayson, you’re built for marriage and white picket fences. I don’t know that I’ll ever want any of that.”

“No one is proposing marriage here, Chaos.”

“Maybe not, but you’re the guy who remembers birthdays and anniversaries and probably knows exactly how many kids you want.”

“I do not.” He looks offended. Then his lips twitch.

“See? You totally do.”

He chuckles. “So what? You make me sound eighty.”

I grin, but there’s something sad underneath it.

I don’t see wedding dresses and wonder how they’d look on me. My future doesn’t look like family Christmas cards or kids.

He knows exactly what he wants out of life, but I don’t even know where to start.

Mostly, these days, I just imagine freedom.

“I spent my entire childhood watching people make each other miserable. Relationships always turn into something that eats away at you.”

I flinch at how selfish I sound before continuing, “I spent too long checking with someone else before making decisions about my own life. I like doing whatever I want whenever I want. I like not having to answer to somebody else.”

He leans forward, elbows landing on his knees. “So do that.”

I blink. “What?”

“Do that.”

“Grayson, that’s not how relationships work.”

“According to who?”

I open my mouth, then close it.

Grayson stands up, turning to face me.

“Chaos, go where you want. Wear whatever you want. Say whatever you want. Lord knows you already do.”

I narrow my eyes. “What are you talking about?”

Now, I’m completely confused, but his gaze holds mine with a certainty that makes my heart beat faster.

“I’m saying, do whatever you want whenever you want. Just give me a chance to be the person you come back to when you’re done.”

My breath catches, and he lowers himself in front of me so that we’re eye to eye.

He’s not asking for any version of a relationship I’ve ever seen. It's a choice. Every day. Over and over again.