Page 27 of Love Sanctioned

I laughed, dropping my stuff onto the chair next to my bed and approaching the foot of the bed. I maneuvered up the mattress until I was hovering over her. I then leaned down and peeled the silk pajama shorts that barely covered anything down, straightening her leg momentarily to free my favorite place in the world. Her shorts were tossed across the room while I took in the supple wetness inviting me in.

Every morning I opened my eyes after my uncle died, I was reminded in a different way that he was no longer here. It was like some cruel trick being played, forcing longer grief and providing no understanding of why things happened the way they did. Lowkey I was a little lost, trying less to make sense, but putting more effort into getting through everything.

I was in a deep sleep when Karsyn got up to go to her shop. She offered to take Junior to practice so I didn’t have to get up. That I was grateful for more than she’d ever know. Honestly, the fact that she was able to get him to go to practice was what got me, but nah I wasn’t going to question it.

I was headed to work at the restaurant when I saw my grandmother out in the garden. The old woman was talking shit about the squirrels stealing her cucumbers and the weeds invading her other plants.

“What are you out here doing, Ma?” I asked, turning to go toward her instead of the garage where I was initially headed.

“Harvesting and preparing for my next growing phase.”

I smiled and nodded. When it came to the garden, Grams always had this motherfucker decked out for every growing season except when the ground was too frozen to do anything. Even then, she had seedlings and shit started in the house.

“No matter how you leave this world, the only thing that mattered was the time. I know you’re hurting, and I am too, but it was his time, baby, something I’ve already accepted. Something you too have to accept. On this earth we don’t have some promised time capacity. When it’s over, it’s over; so you do all you can while you’re down here is fulfill what you can.”

I looked over at her and could see in her eyes that she had been studying me. The crazy thing was I understood my grandma’s words and resonated with them but they didn’t help make this pain any easier.

“I hear you, Mama. Do you want me to rake this up for you?” I motioned toward the pile of scraps and cardboard.

“Naw, baby, I’m laying down my compost for the fall vegetables. And please tell Karsyn thank you for the breakfast this morning. She is so sweet.” She smiled.

I was unaware that she had made them breakfast as well. She didn’t have to, but she did. That made me smile because her heart was one of the most beautiful parts of her.

Grams and I talked for a little bit longer as I helped her where I could before I headed toward the restaurant. I still needed to put up the rest of the drywall. I had been lowkey prolonging it even though I knew I wanted it to be open. I had this sentimental feeling about it. All I had ever known was the streets, so the idea of actually stepping into another realm kind of made me feel like I was turning my back on what I knew. Was I? I didn’t even have a name for the restaurant, but the whole movement and idea of it was an indication that it was something different for me. It was nothing like the event spaces and corner stores Killah and I invested in when we first started making money. Shit, this was bigger, the first piece of myself that I felt like was more. Killah understood because that was what his gym was for him. Even though he inherited it from an absentee father, it still gave him something other than the streets.

I made it to the restaurant that sat on the cusp of Watertown and Lower Briar by a quarter to nine and began moving around to get things together. I got into the zone, blasting Jeezy for a while, then my phone vibrated in my pocket. I kept my phone on me because Junior would be calling at some point to tell me he was ready to be picked up.

It wasn’t Junior though, because as soon as I picked up my phone, I saw it was Kal calling. He was who woke me up this morning, talking about we needed to talk. I told him I’d be at the restaurant and gave him the address.

“Yo, I’m outside.” His voice flowed through the speaker of my phone.

I glanced over at the time, then slipped my phone into my pocket and moved toward the front. Kal stood outside the front door with a coffee and a paper bag in his hand. I opened the door and stepped out of the way for him to enter.

“Damn, bro, what, you’re moonlighting as a handyman?” he asked, stepping to the side so I could lock the door.

I laughed. “Nah, nothing like that. Why are you walking around in a sweater vest and chinos? Are you good?”

He laughed. “Real fucking funny, but nah, Pops got sick and died a couple weeks back. Left me the dealership. They are in there wearing polos and slacks. Gotta look the part sometimes.”

I laughed. “I feel you. I’m sorry to hear that though. Your father sold me my first lemon.”

He laughed. “Me too. Moms cursed his ass out about that shit for years. But I’m here tryna do right by him and keep the business alive, you know.”

“What did Kim have to say about that? You being in Briar damn sure ain’t something I know she’s happy about.”

“Kim who, man? Moms fucked that up the week she moved in. Talking that ‘I’m a woman before anything’ bullshit. Started a bunch of mess, I moved out, and the rest is history.”

“So wait, your moms took Kim’s side?”

He nodded, then sipped from his coffee. “Took her side through the divorce and all. Said I was nothing but a carbon copy of my pops and hung me out to dry for some shit I didn’t even do. Now was I gonna do it? Probably, but I didn’t.”

I laughed. “That’s fucked up. How are you faring though? You keeping clean or are you⁠—”

“You know me better than that. Had I been keeping it clean, I wouldn’t be here.” He wasn’t looking at me but instead at the structure of the bar I had put in weeks ago.

I looked at him, tension welling in my chest. “What do you mean by that?”

He turned back around and looked at me before sipping from the coffee in his hand. “You know I still have my hand in some things I shouldn't, right? I still handle names on the weekends and most of the people I work with don’t know how far back my ties go as much as others.”